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[Genesis]

I joined this forum because in my day to day life in over (detail removed by moderator) i’ve never met any one who has had the misfortune of experiencing the abuse that was laid on me, and although i’ve felt so alone i thank god for that. My abuse i have kept secret for over (detail removed by moderator) , seems like half my life has been a lie, to protect that secret. In my concious mind i refuse to remember but you can’t fight what comes in your sleep , and i will punished tonight by night terrors ,shown again and again replays of the worse times in my life, and i will get up exhausted tomorrow thinking you should of just kept your mouth shut , but i have been left with so many problems , every thing that once longed , touch, love, compassion, closeness is unbearable for me .I was (age removed by moderator) so lonely , my mum changed after my dad died (detail removed by moderator), i was so desperate to be held ,i saw my sisters meet guys settle down and they had love.I met a man on the street one night walking home from a pub , i was drinking a lot , the only conversation i had from my mum for years was what do i want for my tea. I knew nothing about this man, he asked to move in and within a week i did. I didn’t know and don’t believe many would know that he had a hatred for women , it started when he was 2yrs old for his mother ,his father was a drunk and he beat him which didn’t stop until he was a man, but it was his mother he hated because she never saved him. It took a sequence of circumstances for the person to appear, a young girl lonely, her family contact was out of sight out of mind, becoming isolated, no jobs to go to, no phone, no one’s coming and one late night telephone call to his mother i over heard, then the real person revealed himself, and from that point there was a completely different man, i was terrified of him before he laid his hands on me, a hatred for women, 24/7 damaged , dangerous, his attack never stopped ,no matter what he did, i was responsible for for his feelings 24/7 . You don’t know what a precious gift free will is until it’s taken away.I used to look at my battered body , raped, strangled , stamped on, punched ,kicked always the top of my head and the next day ,i would have to understand how bad i made him feel, all the time being told “don’t think i don’t know what you are scheming , you women are c***s every thinks your nice cos you have the babies , cover up , you ain’t leaving making me look at c.nt. He had no concience when he attacked me his first blow left my ears wringing and i could hardly lift my hands up from that,he always attacked the top of my head , he would finish off stranginin me until i fell unconsious then he started to rape me ,and twice he almost took my life, once he was frightened , the last time ,i tried to escape and that beating and being strangled was to the death , all over head to toe .I’m not brave , this man should of gone to prison for a very long time , i didn’t win the final battle , when my screams went silent my neighbour saved my life, he breathed air into my lifeless body, he took me to my mums and he told him you are loosing the house pack up and go or he would call the police. I was i so much pain, i couldn’t bear to swallow my own spit and i was shaking ,there was no place i could lie down on any part of my body and the pain was so bad ,my knees and my elbows like in a prayer position was the least painful, i just kept saying to myself if you make it threw today, your free. I was,and i still am ,to terrified to have that put in jail, and have him sit thinking 24/7 of me and to give him an excuse to never let me go .My mum hid me at hers, and for all her faults what a terrible burden,to make her keep it secret, the first few days at hers i can remember terrible pain and that she screamed when she opened the door to me .I apologise to all you women on this forum because he is a danger to any woman that ends up isolated with him, i just had little hope of getting out alive ,and i wanted to live .I don’t know where he is today and still i don’t use my real name on the internet , and i’m sorry for any other girl he may of hurt after me ,truely i am may God forgive me (detail removed by moderator)my brother died during this abuse he gave me days to greive then he said , its doing you no good no more but really he couldnt contain his rages it was like some terrible pain ate at him from the inside out , the only way it went away was to lay it on me .This is my truth and i pray that God keeps all of us safe and i thank you for listeneing, it really means so much to me ,i’m sorry for any hurt you’ve been threw ,if i can help you in ant way please reach out to me.

[SunshineAngel]

Dear Genesis,
I am so sorry for all the pain you had to go through. Reading your story breaks my heart, you have been through hell and no one should ever have to live through what you have experienced. You have been incredibly brave and you freed yourself from this nightmare.
You are a very strong woman, to come through this, to survive and to come here and share your story. I am amazed that after all this you are most worried about others, even offering help to all of us here on the forum. You must be a truly good and kind person.
I hope that you will find peace and can find a way to not feel guilty. What he did to you was his fault, he chose to hurt you. You are not responsible for his past or future actions.
I read from your post that you are religious and I hope your faith will give you strength.
I like the name you have chosen for this forum. For me it symbolizes starting over, building a new life after the abuse. I like the idea of a new Genesis, creating something good for yourself, a good and safe life. What made you chose this name?
Genesis, my thoughts are with you. X

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Genesis,
Your post made me cry, to think of you suffering such horrific torture is bad enough. I can’t begin to imagine how you coped. My heart and prayers go out to you tonight. I hope you find peace and happiness from now on. You are truly amazing and an inspiration to us all. Thank you for sharing your story.
I understand why you feel guilty about not prosecuting, but I don’t think anyone can blame you after what he put you through. You are immensely strong and brave coming on here and sharing. I’m not brave enough to prosecute my husband either and he has never beaten me like your abuser did. It’s a shame your neighbors didn’t phone the police for you keeping you out of it if that’s even possible. Let’s pray he is stopped before he can hurt anyone else.
I wish you luck rebuilding your life. God bless and watch over you ❤️

[starryeyed]

Genesis, I wanted to say I’m thinking about you and sending you love and kind wishes. You say you aren’t brave, but I think you are incredibly brave having gone through all of that. You are incredibly strong and I hope you now have the peace you deserve x*x

[Ayanna]

Hi Genesis, it is really good that you wrote all this here.
Many of us have been beaten up like this too.
You are speaking to sisters who fully get where you come from.
Once you open up you will notice that you do not feel so badly ashamed anymore.
Your story should not be kept a secret.
Actually, you should write a book and publish it.
Whatever happened to you was not your fault.
The shame is alone with the abuser.

Do you have counselling?
If not, speak to Rape Crisis. They are specialised in helping women who have been brutally raped.
Would that neighbour still go as a witness? And your mother too?
You could still report this (detail removed by Moderator).

Speak to the helpline too.
You need a lot of support to deal with that trauma.
What you describe sounds like PTSD.

Are you in a peaceful life situation now?

[Author]

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