I'm new and need advice please

[Mummy-of-2]

So I think I’m in an abusive relationship (not physically) and I just don’t know what to do. We’ve been having problems for around 2-3 years but over the last year/year and a half things have gotten really bad. We argue constantly about even the tiniest thing and even if I have not for anything wrong he somehow makes me feel like I am on the wrong. Am I going crazy? Is there actually something wrong with me? Is it my fault he is the way he is? He has threatened on a few occasions to hurt me, throw me down the stairs/out the window and even threatened to kill me! He says I deserve everything I get because it’s my fault he is the way he is. Even when he’s in the wrong I’m the one who ends up in tears apologising. I’m rambling a bit now, but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared if I leave he’ll hurt me or try take our child away from me. Someone please help me!

[Lisa]

Hi Mummy-of-2,

First I’d like to welcome you to the forum.
Please know the only one who is responsible for your partner’s behaviour is him. The ‘alarm bells’ that are going off for you are happening for a reason. From the little detail you have provided, it’s clear this man is abusive. He is controlling, manipulative and volatile.
Imagine if it was your daughter coming to you, explaining she was being treated this way by her partner. You probably would not hesitate to name him for what he is (an abuser) and do everything you could to ensure she understood the dangers she was in. Apply this vigilance and care towards yourself and trust your gut. You should not be frightened of the very person who is there to support, respect and care for you. Threats to kill is a crime and he could be arrested for this. He is not a good father (period) for doing this to you although no doubt he will argue otherwise.
He cannot just take your child away from you (especially being an abuser). Please know there are specialist services that can begin to take you through your options so you can start getting clarity on what it is you may want to do about the relationship and making sure you and your child are safe. Knowledge is power and this can give you confidence to take action.
You can search for your local domestic abuse service here, which is always a good place to start for help.
Do continue to post here as many of the women on this forum will absolutely understand and relate to your experience and be able to offer insight and valuable advice. You are not alone.
Take care,

Lisa

[LonelyAs]

Hi, i can very much relate. As they say dammed if you do dammed if you dont. Im going thru the exact same thing. Everything my fault. I was the same for ages. Its def not you so pls dont feel that way. But i understand its not njice living on eggshells with someone. Esp when that person is suppose to be our rock and support. Just remember your not alone. Stay strong.

[Author]

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