3rd December 2018 at 12:44 pm #68109WhereibelongParticipant
Hi everyone, your posts are amazing, I love reading them and learning about things I didn’t even know existed. I very recently came out of a relationship that I knew was abusive in a way but had no idea the extent of what I was dealing with. He was a marijuana addict and was extremely paranoid, convinced I had cheated on him on several occasions (for the record I never did or would have!). I’ve been accused of sleeping with the landlord of a pub (detail removed by moderator). I’ve been accused of sleeping with numerous men from my work and even (detail removed by moderator). Thinking it would secure the relationship for him and prove my commitment, we moved in together and things got worse. We were not around our parents any more so the shouting got louder and physical abuse started. He would pull my hair, hit me, kick me, I have had a cigarette held to my arm and been threatened to be set on fire with a deodorant can and a lighter. I knew the physical side of this was abuse but have only since leaving learnt about coercive control and gaslighting. This was extreme in my case. I was not allowed to see my friends and only saw my parents when he came with me. We had cameras round the house so he could see in at all times from his phone, (detail removed by moderator), he would accuse me of washing myself for men at work if I tried to shower in the mornings, wouldn’t allow me to wear make up to work along with a number of other things. He has since been arrested (detail removed by moderator). I have a lot of evidence against him so really hope he doesn’t get to just walk away. I have a long road ahead of me but the support has been indescribable. I am just happy that he is no longer able to physically hurt me. I wore make up to work for the first time today in a long time and it took a bit of getting used to but I feel like I am finally starting to see a glimpse of the me I used to be.
To anyone who is still in your situation, I think you are amazing, strong and an inspiration. Keep reading these posts, try and feel positive and I hope one day you have the feeling I have today. You are not on your own and I think of you all every night before I go to sleep. We are all a family 🙂
3rd December 2018 at 1:11 pm #68110IwantmebackParticipant
Hi Whereibelong, well done in getting away from him.
The physical abuse is hard enough to understand, the psychological is even worse. It’s really very difficult to grasp how someone who says they love you, can treat you like that. But always know it is never our fault. Society needs to victim blame, it’s the only way they can deal with this type of behaviour. I just hope those people are never in our situations, living our lives.
There has to be a reason why we are with these people in the first place, i know they choose us, i know all the logistics. But surely there’s a bigger reason, maybe because we are ultimately strong individuals, and we will go onto to teach others and to help and care for those living with abuse that there is a way out, that there is life after abuse. Theres definately a change happening, a new era(quoting ‘Ruby’ from Eastenders), we are the #21stcenturysuffragettes.
Good for you in wearing some make up. 👏👏
3rd December 2018 at 9:33 pm #68131fridgesParticipant
You should congratulate yourself for getting out! I’m very pleased with every woman here, when she is sharing, that she is out. From abusive relationship is million times harder to get out, compare to the normal relationship.
Enjoy your freedom, enjoy the choices what you can make for yourself!
All the blessing, all the strength to you, to rebuild your life!
8th December 2018 at 10:45 pm #68375FleeingpixieParticipant
I don’t really know what to say apart from well done for getting out and I hope you get the justice and safety you deserve. Keep doing your own thing 🙂 x
9th December 2018 at 3:00 pm #68390ApricotpoppyParticipant
Hi Whereibelong, great news well done for getting out. Those sort of accusations are so hard to bear and really wear you down. I didn’t go out for years because of that. Once I had my own floury hand print on the side of my bum from baking and that set him off.
I was so pleased with my baking but it turned into a nightmare. The things we go thru ! I am so pleased to be free of all that. Good luck and keep safe xx
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