I’m out!!!

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi Ladies

So (detail removed by Moderator) matters got taken out of my hands and the police arrested him whilst I was at work. I knew nothing about this and was traumatised to be honest. In floods of years not knowing what was going on worrying about my daughter as she was in the house. I couldn’t believe at the time that they had done this without letting me know. However I now see this was definitely the best thing to happen. It made me leave and I’m now settling in nicely into my new home with my children.

I’m up and down throughout the days but I know it’s for the best. The hardest part is our little girl asking for her daddy and it breaks my heart she’s only little so will wonder where he has gone and why we are in a new house.

He has been released on bail conditions so can’t contact me at all. But they have said he can’t see our daughter for (detail removed by Moderator) weeks and needs to be assessed first. This seems a long time for no contact at all. I’m just concerned this will have an effect on our daughter.

Today has been lovely I’m enjoying doing things I wasn’t allowed to before but then I feel guilty for having a nice time because I know he’s been a mess. Has anyone else had these feelings? Is it normal?

I finally feel like I can breathe again and I must say that is a nice feeling. I’m sure there will be some low points to come but I’m ready to ride that wave when it comes.

Also from people who have gone through this and come out the other side my DA worker is advising me to take a couple of weeks off work but I don’t think I want to. I like to be busy and have a normal routine. Did people find having the time off a good thing maybe to process everything?

Feeling positive x

[Bettertimesahead]

I was off for several weeks, initially as there were so many practical things that needed sorting but also emotionally I needed time to process. I knew when I was ready to go back but was v grateful I had the time off

[Hopefulwishes]

That’s what I’m thinking do I stay off because I’m probably going to have meetings etc to do with it all and also mentally do I need to heal. I know I’m better being busy though. Guess I’ll take the week off and see how I feel.

[KIP.]

Hey, well done. Please consider more the impact on your daughter of having contact with a domestic abuser than no contact. You need to protect her. This is where your abuser will do everything to discredit you and using the children is top of the list to regain control. When child access goes to court and by then you have seen his nasty controlling side with your child, where he tries to take your child from you, wants sole custody and you’re telling the judge how he’s a manipulative person and has destroyed your daughters confidence by using her to hurt you. And the judge says, it that is true then why did you facilitate contact in the first place? Think of the things he has done to you. Think of his behaviour. Think of him as not related to your child and ask yourself if you would allow such a man near her, to influence her and to learn from him. Because you have years ahead with a man who will anti parent and turn her against you, bad mouth you and absolutely destroy any bond you have just now. Start as you mean to go on. As for work. I had two weeks of euphoria after my ex was arrested. Then PTSD kicked in. I’d keep working while you can as you may need time off for mental health in the future. If you have routine I find it good for mental health x

[Anonymous]

Well done! I’m currently signed off work like you I tried to continue initially. But things are not OK, now I’m out I actually feel really down having admitted to myself I was being abused, it’s hard to say. I had to bury some very traumatic things deep down to survive and now these things bother me so much. Do what you need to do, it might be beneficial to take some time off or it might be better to save the time off. Good luck on your journey you have take such a stong brave step x*x

[Lisa]

Hi Hopefulwishes,

I am so pleased to hear you and your children are away from him. Well done for continuing to reach out for support, you are doing brilliantly. Lean on all of the support around you and give yourself time.

Keep posting to us when you can to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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