This topic contains 5 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  lover of no contact 1 week, 6 days ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #85449
     Donkey 
    Participant

    I’ve left. In the guise of a family visit for a month. With my baby. He doesn’t know it’s for good. He was sad that we were going for a month. I just feel bad and sad. Why?

  • #85452
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He’s programmed and brainwashed you to feel this way. It’s how abusers work. Concentrate on your safety and recovery. The longer you’re no contact, the easier it is. You’re absolutely doing the right thing. You’re grieving for the future you thought you would have with this man but he is not capable of loving you or looking after you. It’s going to be a real rollercoaster. Zero contact and time are the best way to heal x

    • #85492
       gran 
      Participant

      dear donkey,please get all the support and help you can, you are describing exactly how it was for me over (detail removed by moderator), when i left he was loving and caring and sent me notes which led to me going back, of course i believed him and did. he changed for a while but gradually went back to his manipulitive self, i had 7 children, one died in recent years. make sure you do what is right for your child as wellas yourself. my kids are good kids but they have a lot of problems caused by living in an unhappy marriage, i was wrong i should have left. please make sure you don’t make the same mistake as me. coersive control and gaslighting make you feel like you are a nobody but donot believe these things, thinking of you and wishing you a happy future, love granxxx ps i left a small island home to live with him. he wont let me go home and said the only way ill get home is in a coffin. please dont become me.

  • #85466
     marmaladechamp 
    Participant

    Donkey, it’s so hard these first few days.

    I felt so empty and the guilt was really difficult to deal with. You have done what’s best for you and your baby and you will look back on this moment in time with relief. It will feel like the worst thing in the world right now but as each day passes you will get stronger.

    I hope you have a peaceful first night x

  • #85483
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    Well done Donkey. You got out in the safest possible way for you and the baby. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

    Stay strong.

  • #85522
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    Well done Donkey you are absolutely doing the best thing for your baby and you. I wished I had done the same as you when my eldest was a baby; it would have saved her a lot of suffering and trauma and me as well. well done for saying to him it would be just a month. That is the safest way to do it. Its the most dangerous time for us leaving the abuser so best he doesn’t know its for good as they up the ante when they know they are losing control of us.

    Stay safe with a strict No Contact with him. Keep posting. Take it One Day at a Time. The sadness, loneliness is part of the grieving the loss of the ‘good parts’ of the relationship. Keep saying to yourself ‘This too will pass’

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