I’m out but now stuck…occupation order help

[Swallow]

Hi – my first post here. Following years of psychological and emotional abuse (and at times physical) I sought help last year with a psychotherapist and through that help, plus opening up to others, I have finally found the courage to take action and get myself and my son out of the situation. I applied to (detail removed by moderator) for an Occupation order by myself and have since had legal advice – in order to have legal representation at the hearing is going to cost circa £4,000 from start to end (I don’t qualify for legal aid due to my earnings but can’t afford to pay solicitors as my partner has refused to make any financial contribution to the home and childcare since last year meaning all of my salary is accounted for).
I plan to go to free appointments and drop in’s for help with a position statement to go alongside my original application but wondered if anyone else had represented themselves, how they found the experience and any useful tips.
I have visited Rights for Women and have useful info but really looking for first hand information from those who have been through it.

X*X

[Lisa]

Hi Swallow,

If you are in a position where you will have to represent yourself, it may be worth looking into the option of a Mckenzie Friend. A Mckenzie friend is someone that can assist you in court. some of them have legal training so can look through documents with you. Your local domestic abuse service may know of some and I would recommend calling Rights of Women and having a chat with them about this as well.

Hope this is useful

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[Serenity]

Hi Swallow,

I represented myself regarding a non-molestation and occupation order and also in the family court regarding the children.

I only used a solicitor for financial proceedings.

I would say that you can do it. You have the strength and intelligence to put your case forward. The best advice I was given, and which I would like to pass on to you, is to be aggressive with the facts: that is, the force of your petition should be based upon detailed evidence as much as possible- judges don’t care for opinion in these situations.

Dates, times, examples, proof- whatever you can find to support your case.

My ex was a very cunning man, charming when he wanted and an expert at manipulation- but the judge couldn’t dispute facts, however charming and good a liar my ex was ( and believe me, he gave an Oscar-winning performance) x

[freedomtochoose]

So was mine. And although I know it wasn’t everyone’s experience sadly, when it got to court the judge basically told him to sit down and shut up. He had showed his true, arrogant face in court and the judge didn’t like it of course. Good luck.

[Swallow]

Thank you – this is so helpful. My ex is also very charming and has started telling people that it was me abusing him!!! It makes me so nervous that people/judge might believe him…
I have now had legal advice from a solicitor who is on standby to come to the court with me – I just need to decide if I think I can do it on my own.
Feeling stronger everyday…so maybe…!

[Serenity]

Hi Freedom to Choose,

My ex tried to get the judge on side by being a sycophant, calling him by the highest titles, trying to massage his ego, etc.

By the end, the judge had worked out who he was and looked at him in disgust. I didn’t have to do much: I just had to sit back and let the fool open his loud mouth as much as possible. He said enough immoral and selfish things to incriminate himself.

[freedomtochoose]

Thanks for sharing this serenity. I really apprecicate being on here as many times in past felt I was the only one to experience this stuff.
all best to all
ftc
x

[Ayanna]

Yes, I represented myself.
I had the NCDV help me to write a statement(Detail removed by moderator) and they helped me to serve the occupation and non molestation order.
I did not know where he lived after he was bailed. They found it out for me by contacting the CPS.
I paid £ 100 for all their help.

(Detail removed by moderator)

I was in frequent contact with Rights of Women, Google was my best friend and I had signed up with online legal advice, which was very cheap and helpful.

(Detail removed by moderator)
Be prepared for a sitcom.

[Anonymous]

Hello Swallow, how did you get on with your application to court? I’m in a position where I’m about to apply for non-molestation/non occupation but still in doubt. I hope all went well and you are safely back at home soon.

[Swallow]

The non-mol order was the best thing I have ever did. It immediately set the tone for my ex of not being able to keep playing his old games, it also gave me the strength to not go back.
The occupation order was granted at a later date – in court was awful and I am glad I opted for legal representation. It was expensive but on the day my ex was all over the place, crying, speaking out of term, he had no representation and it took the judge and my solicitor to guide him through and to get him to understand and sign the order. Had I gone alone I think it might have been adjourned.

[Author]

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