I’m scared

[lilbird]

Hi all.
I hope you don’t think bad of me for what I’m going to post.
I left my abusive marriage  (number of years removed by moderator)  ago and have been with my current partner for a few years now.
Last year I went through a bad patch and got in touch with a couple of blokes that my ex in the past had made me have sex with. I feel guilty about contacting them and stopped contact this year. Neither of them knew that I’m in a relationship, I just craved attention I guess. I lied to both of them where I was living etc as I didn’t want them tracking me down.
My ex told me yesterday that he’s had a phone call from a man asking if he knew a ‘my name’ of ‘the place where my partner lives’ When he said yes they hung up. I’m feeling really scared. My partner lives quite a few miles away from me so who on earth is it? My ex has his own business so it’s someone who’s got his contact details and put me together with him. I haven’t told my current partner as I’m afraid it’s one of the blokes I’ve been in contact with. I’m so scared xx

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there Lilbird and welcome to the forum x

Wouldn’t these blokes know who your ex is if he was the one who made you have sex with them to begin with? And may I also just say what a despicable thing for your ex to have done to you, I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Did anything happen this past year with the ones you contacted? While I would never condone cheating, I can understand how the trauma of what you had went through might have made you contact them. I think with sexual abuse we sometimes have this need to pretend it didn’t happen or to build up stories around it so that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. And sometimes, that means trying to return to the situation to create a different outcome or to prove to ourselves that it perhaps wasn’t as bad as we thought it was. Could that perhaps be why you contacted them? It’s also possible that your ex is trying to mess with you and to try and lure information out of you if you are moving in with your partner or not and that it has nothing to do with these blokes. Does your ex know where your partner lives?

It’s up to you if you wish to discuss this with your partner or not. I can’t tell you what will be the best thing for you to do, only you can know that x Just know that I am so sorry your ex made you have sex with others, you did not deserve that and it’s no wonder if it’s left you scarred and scared x

[lilbird]

Hi AlwaysSorry.
Thank you for your reply.
Yes, I guess that there could be a way that they would know who was ex is. Nothing happened with the ones I re-contacted, it was all text.
I totally understand what you say about the trauma of what happened and that maybe I wanted to believe that these men could actually want and love me and not just sex.
I do wonder if my ex is trying to catch me out on something – waiting for me to say that I’ve made contact so he could then use it against me.
My ex does know where my partner lives so if anything was ‘brought to the door’ we would know exactly who has fed the information.
I decided not to tell my partner of what happened and as far as I know it was just a one off.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi lilbird

I hope you are doing well. I am a bit concerned you might endanger yourself by contacting those dangerous men. I hope you can decide to delete and block them from your life, you deserve so much better, you deserve respecting and loving relationships and I dearly hope the current one is giving you just that.
Take good care and keep posting honey
💕

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