I'm sick of people calling me 'vulnerable'

[SunshineRainflower]

I had a horrible day but can’t say what in case it’s identifying. But it’s the familiar sickening experience of someone who is meant to help being more interested in power.

I feel like a lot of people who work in these professions don’t actually want us to heal and recover. Theu want us dependent on them so they can feel powerful. They love to call us ‘vulnerable women.’

Ever since I experienced domestic abuse that dreadful word has been used by all sorts of professionals. Suddenly my skills, experience, qualifications, talents and dreams are irrelevant because apparently I’m just ‘vulnerable.’ It’s probably the most disempowering word there is, alongside victim.
I can’t stand how they look down on me and patronise me because I experience depression and experienced abuse. How b****y dare they.

I want change. I want independence. I need hope and to see light. I believe in myself. Why can’t they? I refuse to lie down and be a ‘weak and vulnerable woman.’I am strong and courageous, talented and skilled. I feel so alone but I am here for myself and I believe in myself.

Thanks for being here you don’t know how much this forum helps, speaking to people who understand.

[Anonymous]

No wonder their attitude is born out of pure ignorance either that or arrogance!I hate being labelled as vulnerable too. I read an article and it compared survivors of domestic abuse like war heroes. In all honesty I feel that the women who have stayed (through finding themselves completely trapped)I find them to be the bravest. We’ve need to have endurance to get through this. I like to know and I tell myself this that I have real back bone. Like all the ladies on here were still standing some escaped some not. We’re here reaching out and we are very strong. The reality is abusive men have gravitated to us. I do believe if we’re labelled it sticks. We’re sometimes scared to come out and put people straight I am getting past that now after many years. If these people don’t like that I will walk away simple as that. Surround yourself with people who understand and have your best interests at heart 😚hope that wasn’t rant! But I get my knickers in a real twist with such ignorant attitudes ! Xx

[SunshineRainflower]

Thank you DIYmum. Agreed, it is pure ignorance and the desire to look down on others to make themselves feel better. Because of what we have experienced we are easy targets for them to box and look down on. It makes me extremely mad too. I have felt almost rage about it. Today I channelled the anger into something positive, I went on a really good workshop that has lifted me up. The people running it were positive and encouraging and it confirmed to me that some people want to lift others up whilst others want to bring others down. Seek out the former and avoid the latter at all costs.

I’ve also noticed these people seem to think abuse is correlated to coming from a very poor background but that isn’t my background and it’s like they don’t feel comfortable knowing it happens to people from all backgrounds. I know it’s because it scares them because if it happened to me it could happen to them so they try to block that out.

I think there is a stage where we are vulnerable, mainly when we are still with the abuser and having just left, but then we can grow and heal and thrive. We can shed that vulnerability as we become safe and start to know and trust ourselves again. But some of these people seem to want us to stay ‘vulnerable’ forever. It makes me sick and is another form of emotional abuse.

Every single one of us has been through or is still going through a terrible horrendous time. But that isn’t a death sentence. Our past doesn’t define our future. Anyone reading this please know you are strong and awesome and capable and amazing and you can and will achieve your goals if you keep believing in yourself and working towards your dream. Never believe anyone who tries to put you down and makes you feel like you’re incapable. It’s a lie to make themselves feel more powerful. And it can come from anyone including those who are meant to help us the most like therapists and support workers etc. If anyone speaks to you like this end contact and find people who believe in you. That is what I am doing this week.

[Iwantmeback]

I so needed to read your post @sunshinerainflower. So very strong, positive with enough attitude. 😉
IWMB 💕💕

[fridges]

Hello, sunshinerainflower,
I can relate to you very much, not all people can correctly deal with it. And myself had recently experience which made me feel very upset. I was doing some short term counselling, it was extra to my therapist ( which is an amazing woman), all was going well, i have learned new things. On the last session when saying goodbye, me decided to give a hug, not the very close one. The lady jumped from me and said I can not do that. And here I’m questioning myself, I misunderstood her, for some sessions I was really working hard to be open, to transparent, so someone from outside can see me and help me navigate or point to the right direction, where I can help myself with traumas. This made me feel very much judged and I felt not great.
Leaving the place, I felt, may be it was the wrong place for me to share my staff.
My therapist never gave me any little sign, that I’m being judged, she remember my life story, she supports me and if the session was hard for me, she will give me a hug by the end and will ask me if i’m ok to leave?
And the reaction from this lady was so different, and I did not expect it. Made me really question what she really think about me?

[fridges]

You know what you want and focus on this, do not let the people who judge you, to distract you or take away your precious energy. Turn this anger, turn this pain into reorganising your life, chase your dreams. Every woman should try her best by rebuilding herself. Commit to your dreams, your vision and have patience for everything. Better go slowly, but steady. No one should hold your from who you really want to be. Specially someone else opinion, they are just people. And the people who are labelling you now, could go themselves through depression in their life. it happens, no one is immune to it.

[Ayanna]

Turn it around and use it for you.
As you are considered vulnerable you are entitled to support.
Make it work for you.
I do not mind them calling me vulnerable, because it opens doors to help they would otherwise not consider.
Since I am considered to be vulnerable I get much more support with my health problems and my future looks a bit brighter.
You do not deal with them every day.
In your own walls you can be the super woman that you want to be.

[Author]

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