I’m so worried about him

[Applepear]

I left my boyfriend again last week. (removed by moderator) he has been asking for me back but I have stayed strong and told him that it isn’t healthy for me. (removed by moderator) he has threatened to hurt himself if I don’t reply to his messages and I am so worried. He really struggles with his mental health. Understandably he is Upset about us breaking up but I don’t know how I can make sure he hasn’t / won’t hurt himself without getting back with him. I’m also aware that these might just be empty threats to manipulate me but they also might not be. I’m constantly anxious thinking about it. I wish there was a way I could help him but from a distance

[gettingtired]

Hey there,
What I’ve learnt from this forum is that suicide and threats of self-harm are very common amongst abusers. I’d say if he’s threatening suicide then you can call for an ambulance to attend. It’s not your responsibility and unfortunately he will probably use it as a way to keep you under his control and stuck.
My boyfriend has threatened suicide countless times so I know it’s a really horrible thing to have to deal with.
He is not respecting your decision of ending the relationship.
Can you tell his family about his threats and let them deal with it? From what I’ve seen on the forum, going no contact is the only way to start recovering from these abusive relationships. X*x

[fizzylem]

Hi Ap, yes this is typical controlling behaviour from an abuser; chances are he won’t do it; this is pretty common actually. You can’t fix this, you need to walk away for you and your own sanity. If you are really concerned he will do it, you can call the police, tell them your concerns and ask them to do ‘a safe and well check’ on him. Chances are he will feel so embarrassed about this he won’t do it again, and it will also make him realise this is what you will do if he does try this again; doing this sends a message loud and clear, that these threats won’t get him the desired reaction he wants from you – to come running.

You are not responsible for him, his feelings or his actions; this is his life and he can choose whether he wants to live or die – this is completely his choice. There is plenty of support available to people who feel suicidal, he could call his GP and or the samaritians, or seek some counselling, perhaps point him these directions if you feel you need to, if you are still in contact with him, but that is all. You are not the person that can help him here, if it’s genuine he needs professional help and if not, hopefully he’ll stop doing this.

[Bettertimesahead]

When my husband first left he continually threatened suicide. I called police for a welfare check. Asked them not to call me back after the first few times to update me, got to a point where I didn’t really want to know. He didn’t like that I called police, think he expected me to rush off to him. He disengaged with alcohol services too when they called police. Many months later he’s still around

[Living Warrior]

Hi, I totally agree, it is a common tactic. One my ex used. I also sent police to do a safe and well check. Again he was more annoyed that i had called them. Made out he lost his job due to police turning up at his work (removed by moderator).
Even tried using that as a “I have no job to pay maintenance” it didnt work. Still to this day he continues to try and play games.

[Justice Candle]

Hi there, You are in no way responsible for his mental health… you are responsible for YOUR mental health. Him threatening you and manipulating you affects your mental health, so you know what to do! You do not need to explain or justify to him: he just uses that to keep the conversation going… as long as he’s got you talking, he still has a hook into you. You can do this! stay strong!

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