I’m stuck again I’ve normalised it help

[Goingthroughit]

Ok so been together a kind time have one child who he is good with but if you’ve read my previous posts he has recently rented his own space because we kept arguing and he kept threatening to leave until I told him well leave them it’s become like on an argument if I say something he will action it really childish in my opinion but how many times can someone be threatened with beating abandoned
He has said if I want more children it’s best if we split up and get divorced because I’m not bringing our child up right I.e I spend a lot of time at mums house who he does not like we are a very close family and she lives less than five minutes away anyway it’s not like I leave him at home I’m only there when he is out to get back to my question
I’m scared he is leaving again because I said is the not having more children your last attempt at re controlling me
I am still under control I’m not allowed even a glass of wine I had to quit smoking when I met him I’m not allowed out with the girls I have to wear certain modest clothes I have started to revel I mean I’m not wearing short skirts but shorter coats my god writing this makes me feel sick anyway
I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore but I’m so scared of losing him but why I really can’t understand
In my eyes I can’t do more for him he is in the uk because of me yes he’s not British I’ve been half way around the world with him trying to help and have
My mum was not allowed at my wedding it was if she comes I won’t be marrying you why did I marry him he said it’s because my mum left me at a young age and the stories I told him about her but me and my mum are now close he had no right I don’t even know what to ask anymore the question ha turned into a rant and at the same time I have normalised his abuse the latest is he said he don’t wanna talk about the future he won’t promise me children he will never stop renting his own home because I told him when he was threatening to leave and because when we first moved here cupboard space was tight and he put all his clothes in with no room for mine when I said that’s unfair he took all his clothes out threw them on the floor and shorty after rented his own home that he won’t mention the address
Not that I want to know or cate but we’re married we have a child I want a big family I am returning to work also I know it’s silly to want more children with him but I feel like I’m doing all of this because I know I’m the end he will leave and maybe who knows I might have a chance at happiness again but right now he said we’re over I’m just a headache because I always wanna talk about the further and problems so I’m not allowed to mention them I know if I do I’ll just get the silent treatment anyway
Give me strength girls I’m back to studying this week and I’m so excited for my new car rear

[Scapegoat]

Concentrate on your career at least you will have that for your own financial security. You are trying to please him but never thinking of yourself. I know that feeling well. I never go out with friends, am constantly accused of cheating with EVERYBODY in the world to the point it’s ridiculous but it really wears me down. Do not have any more children with him. Cherish the one you have. He doesn’t like you seeing your mum as he feels threatened. It is good that you have rebuilt your relationship with her…keep that strong.

[Goingthroughit]

Thanks for your reply
Your right I am trying to please him. It I have this strong urge that’s screaming to come out I want to scream I choose me I think I’m close but still so stuck if that makes sense
It’s impossible to please him I’ve done things for him I wouldn’t find the energy to do for myself I hope your ok to you seem like your in a similar situation x*x

[Scapegoat]

I know exactly where you’re coming from. The minute I try and be positive and think of me, he notices and ups his game by calling me selfis, useless, spoilt and always getting my own way!😂😂What an absolute joke! I retaliated once by replying spoilt? Not by you! Which he took to mean somebody else ( another imaginary bloke) was spoiling me. It’s pointless you can’t ever be right my mental health has been badly affected by this I’m a nervous wreck. Tried going for counselling which took months to come through then ended up quitting it as I got so anxious about going due to being accused of not actually going and being somewhere else I couldn’t cope with it anymore. Counsellor said he was a n********t and I needed to get ou, said I’d been conditioned and suffered trauma but I was too scared to go through with anything involving the police. After a fight (detail removed by moderator) which he caused ( but in his head I did)he told my so he’s been trying to get rid of me (detail removed by moderator)!! I want to go but when it comes to the crunch i freeze like a rabbit in headlights- that and the fact I haven’t got anywhere to go. Really don’t want to involve police in case it really is me as always questioning is it my fault. Meanwhile my life is ticking past☹️

[Goingthroughit]

Oh scapegoat we are in the same situation
And the worst part for me is always thinking it’s me how do they do that it has to be where we are nice kind decent people that we worry about these things
Because I am sure they do not
But then when I write things down I realise I stop him from doing nothing he can do anything he wants he can go out he can meet friends come home late go anywhere so I am not controlling I may moan about him putting his feet on the table or leaving the kitchen untidy
Me I’m not allowed male friends female friends also really because when I meet them I get the cold shoulder and the silent treatment like I’ve beeen a naughty girl it’s ridiculous I’m a grown woman
I have to dress a certain way
If I’m loud in public he tell me to shh and to respect myself and this really hurts I want to cry in those instances because I feel so small
Up until last year when I had had enough I wasn’t allowed to wear sandals
I’m not allowed colour nail varnish on nails
He said if I get my eyebrows done we would get divorced but I got them done because I am a woman and I want to feel at the very least tidy.
He says I have spoke to men online that I really haven’t but there is no pining me trying to stick up for myself because he is convinced and gets nasty I have made a mistake in this relationship by speaking to my ex years ago and he always brings this up
I really feel mad I live in a fantasy world sometimes and imagine I’m with someone else
Scapegoat keep in touch private message me I check this daily would be nice to speak especially as we know what we are going through x

[Author]

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