22nd August 2019 at 8:56 pm #86232JustKeepSingingParticipant
I’m just starting in this process of leaving…well leaving again but I’m not going back this time despite the fact I can literally feel my pathetic resolve weakening.
But tonight I’m so f*^king tired. I slept 3 hours last night and the kids have been full on today.
I know it’s only a place and I know it’s only stuff but I want to be at home. Not stuck away with hardly any of our things.
I know that if I was home – my resolve might be weaker or it would be harder because of all the memories but I just want my things and the kids to have theirs so that we can feel some tiny bit of familiarity and comfort.
I’m tired of having to tell people over & over what’s happening, to keep bringing up all the shameful, horrible, gut churning things from the past and the present. I’m tired of my brain remembering all the s**t he’s done and put me through and I’m tired of feeling disgusted with myself, guilty for my kids, shameful, embarrassed, all those things. I’m tired of feeling like a victim but I know I have to accept that I am before I can fight back.
I know it’s one step at a time but right now it feels too overwhelming and I just want it all the drama and the feelings to go away and let my brain just have a little bit of rest!
Sorry to be such a moaning Minnie just need to get it off my chest 🙁
22nd August 2019 at 11:36 pm #86248IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there, I’m sending you a huge hug. These feelings will pass, I promise. I too left our home. I go every day to walk our dog to save her being locked in a crate all day. My house is a strangers now. I look around it and can’t envision me living there EVER again. You’re so right it’s baby steps. My first day out, I didn’t know what to do with myself,i was so tearful. I don’t have as many of those days now🤗. I still have a little contact with him but even that is lessening too. Slowly detaching, cutting the bond that ties us. I hope once I’m ready to move, I won’t waver.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞
23rd August 2019 at 2:25 pm #86274JustKeepSingingParticipant
Thank you IWMB it just feels like a mountain to climb whilst he does nothing???
I feel like I’m continuing to be punished because of him and his behaviour. Why are people like this??
23rd August 2019 at 4:42 pm #86286KIP.Participant
Have you considered an occupation order to get him out the family home?
24th August 2019 at 6:30 am #86316Can I breathe nowParticipant
I had to leve mine too and ironically I paid for it I’m trying to get solicitor to claim but I get it you made a home there my exam got so mad when I left he hacked my emails and said things to my mate about me
27th August 2019 at 11:43 pm #86622GetmylifebackParticipant
I felt the same in the early day X but j look at my new little home now and love it. I left with literally clothes and kids toys initially and had to hit Facebook market place big time.
If i go to my old house now it holds no emotional connection, just seems dreary. I wouldn’t want to spend a night there anymore!
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