In pain and stressed with everything

[Anonymous]

He is accusing me in the messages he sent I have ignored them. Saying I will never change and I am basically with another man. When I am not. I feel so low. I can’t even manage to tidy up. Just staying in bed all day. Want to cry and give up. Wish I could runaway from everything but I can’t even do that because of my condition. Why me? 🙁

[KIP.]

Report every contact to the police. Do not respond. He is harassing you and that is against the law. Any contact brings pain so the best thing to do is prevent contact. Change your number.

[freedomtochoose]

You can do this anon.
Well done for posting here and reaching out for support. KIP is right I feel and how brilliant that women on here want to offer support.
x

[Iwon]

I think he is probably already seeing someone else on the side. Abusers always project there filthbonto the victim.

His aim in every interaction is to dump his behaviour on you and make you feel weakenedcand bad and guilty and sorry for him so you end up talking to him and defending yourself.

He is doing a great job of diverting your attention from his abuse. Job done. He must be delighted. While you can’t get out of bed.

You have done nothing wrong. Heb8s suffering the consequences of his actions. Do him the biggest favour you ever have.

Let him experience the natural consequences if his actions. Treat your partner like a dumping ground for his c**p.

If you engage with him you are REWARDING him for being an abuser….. so he will keep doing it…. because it’s working for him. He is back in control of you.

He then feels entitled to abuse you more.
Don t project your good heart and kind nature onto someone who has shown you time and again he does not have a good heart. He does not have good intentions. Thus is not love or a normal man. This is a dysfunctional cruel man.

I am kind hearted like you. I cut him off by telling myself he is mentally ill and he can’t help being mentally ill so I need to protect myself from the crazy or I will end up mentally ill.

I am not sure but I don’t think you have kids? To get over the fog of abuse block a contact. Phone email social media. If he abuses to talk to wa and police. He will make you ill

I don’t actually believe my ex is mentally ill I believe and know he is selfish. Cruel verbally and physically abusive. Threatening . Intimidating. Uses our child as a pawn and hurting him. He isn’t mentally ill. He just wants his own way and total power and control over me. X*x good luck. Sent with love x

[Lisa]

Hi Anonymous,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You mentioned in a previous post about an harassment order. Is it possible for this order to be enforced or could you report the continued harassment to the police? Perpetrators use any form of contact to get into your head. He knows how these messages will be making you feel, it is another power and control method.

As others have mentioned, no contact is the best way to deal with a perpetrator.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Hey thank you everyone. The police have warned him but he has sent me another email. The email this time actually brought tears to my eyes. I am trying to stay strong and not give in. Telling me he’s not okay hurts me. I mean I wish it didn’t. But then he’s been on holiday for his number back that all his ex’s have wants me to call him on that number. He said even if I don’t speak please just call me. I don’t know what he is trying to gain from this. I feel if he really loved me firstly he wouldn’t have gone and got his number back. As that’s where my trust issues started with him. Why should I call him. After the way he has treated me. Why should I even care. Why does this hurt so much? I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.

[Copperflame]

Oh Anonymous, I really feel your pain and distress. Going through similar myself and am also finding hard to get out of bed.

I know it’s hard but the only way to deal with an abuser is to go completely no contact. The abuser’s behaviour may seem irrational, but it isn’t. It is deliberate and intentional behaviour designed to confuse you and mess up your head so that you don’t know what’s what any more and in the end you get depressed. You need time out from all his toxicity in order to get your head straight and heal from the abuse.

If he’s still persisting in contacting you despite police warnings, you may want consider getting a non-molestation order against him. If you’re on a low income, you should be able to get legal aid for this so it’s worth getting a 30 minute free appointment with a solicitor to ask for advice.

Love Copperflame x

[KIP.]

Report this latest contact to the police. Ask them to do something more this time. He has had his warning. He wants you to break contact so that he can regain control. Don’t do it. Keep reporting to the police and do not respond. If he is ignoring a police warning then he is extremely dangerous. Ring 101 and explain he is frightening you and you are concerned for your safety as he is ignoring even a police warning. Any contact will weaken you so stick to zero contact. Don’t read his email. As soon as you know it’s from him, forward it to the police x

[Author]

Posts