Viewing 8 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #115664
      freedomfries01
      Participant

      Night after night I have the grossest incest dreams you could ever imagine. Not just with the perpetrator different family members. I’m doing so well trying to keep my head above the water but it’s so hard. I’m getting a bit confused over if things have really happened or not. I feel like everything I say is a lie. There’s someone coming in the week I think it’s to help me because I’m having a crisis but sometimes this things go all wrong and it’s social care saying I’m too mad to look after my own children. I feel very wary and I’m not really sure of things. I do know I feel like a terrible mother who cant look after my own kids. I feel tormented by decades old and decades of abuse. I’m worried about not being good enough. And I feel ashamed that I’m not good enough. My ex is there helping out every time I need him and I feel like I was probably wrong about him too. There’s times I couldn’t have gone on without his help with my youngest. (Its not a situation where I’m going back). I dont know but i feel confused and tired

    • #115725
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi freedomfries01,

      How are you since posting? I hope it helped to offload to us. I am sorry to hear how difficult things are at the moment. I hope the person coming to see you this week offers support to you and your children. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, take each day as it comes and lean on the support available.

      Keep posting to us, we are here for you.

      Take care,

      Lisa

    • #115750
      freedomfries01
      Participant

      Nothing much has changed. I get no rest at night and all day …..I’m just not acting normal. It’s like I’ve turned a corner and forgotten how to. I feel like I don’t know who I am again and that maybe I was wrong about my feelings and I dont know….I’m trying to be strong but everything seems to be never ending

    • #115763
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Freedomfries01

      You must be feeling exhausted, sounds like you are doubting yourself but I am sure you are right about everything. You have been through so much, please stay strong, you can get through this.

      Keep posting and take care,

      Lisa

    • #115826
      freedomfries01
      Participant

      The dr thinks those feelings of doubt will go again once I start having therapy again. It is so exhausting. I’m doubting everything.

    • #116330
      Symphony
      Participant

      What you are describing is just how i was feeling a few years back ….on the edge of madness and feeling I was the bad one….
      You are not mad or bad!
      What was done to you was mad and Bad .

      I hope and pray you can talk to a therapist soon. It is a great help.
      I will help you make sense of what is happening to you.

      Please know you are not alone ans it will get better xx

    • #116352
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Hi FF, so sorry to read you are struggling again. You are good enough, you are always enough, even when you feel you are not and have nothing to give – you are still enough; if only you could feel this hey. I used to feel this way in my twenties, in a constant state of feeling not good enough and that I was going mad at times, it’s awful. The way forward for me was to learn who I am, I developed a strong sense of ‘self identity’. When we are abused in childhood we never develop this, it’s like we have no foundation from which to grow in a healthy way; we learn only to mistrust. The good news is this time has now passed, you are an adult now and are not that powerless little girl anymore, you are woman with choices.

      Hang in there flower and get the help you need. Chances are it feels much bigger inside, hidden, that it’s too complex to workout; it often feels because it’s always been like this there is only more of the same, because you haven’t got to that place yet, the place where all is ok in the world, a place where you feel ok to be me. It is infornt of you, if you reach for this. Therapy is the best place to help you workout who you are, become who you already are really – without the demons.

      If you’re interested have a look into what is self identity. It’s what helps us with personal boundaries too x

    • #116353
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Also, google ‘The Paradoxical Theory of change’ –

      “This theory can be summarised as: change occurs when a person becomes what they are, not when they try to become what they are not. In other words, we can’t make ourselves or anyone change in line with some ideal, but we will naturally change in an organic, meaningful and orderly way when we allow ourselves and others to be as we and they truly are”.

    • #116379
      freedomfries01
      Participant

      Thanks symphony and fizzy. These feelings are so overwhelming. I dont think I’ve ever known who I am. I’ve been told I’m a liar and a thief since I was little by someone who lied his way through stealing my childhood and any semblance of a real life I might ever have had. The things I look at are so disturbing but but somehow it gives me comfort. I need to speak to someone about it because with every peek into the dark I lose a bit of me. I’ll have a look at those things fizzy. Thank you both x*x

Viewing 8 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account