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Went to a friendly get together and it’s early days as literally just separated.
But I have always and ever so much now am struggling to interact with men.
I can cope if it’s formal, like a delivery or a shop.
More intimate setting like a kids party or similar and I can’t even look at a man. I cringe if anyone wants to talk and avoid any eye/face to face contact.
Previous years I would become regimental standing to attention if talking to someone in authority. I’m not relaxed.
How do I get over this?
Is this normal, anyone else?
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As you might know I’m still with mine (only just about and seems it might end shortly, just trying to prepare myself for the aftermath). I’ve had a bit of male attention here and then, nothing has ever happened but one thing I’ve generally realised is I am pretty shy and lack confidence around men. I can relate to struggling to keep eye contact with some men too. I don’t really know why though? One guy I quite like I feel like I can give a lot of eye contact to but I still feel self-consious. If it’s someone I find attractive who gives me attention or asks anything about me, I cringe too. ‘Partner’ has always made me feel like all men do is ogle me though, often pointing out how other men supposedly were staring at me or checking me out. I think he does it on purpose knowing it makes me feel uncomfortable and weird.
I guess abusers just destroy our confidence so it’s no wonder we don’t feel quite right around other men.
I can relate to standing to attention and feeling regimental too, I feel a bit like that around my management team at work. Like I’m a school child who might get told off by them?!
I’m not sure how to get over this either so would be interested to see what others say. Hope you’re ok xx -
Like you say, its still early days after being with someone that treated you so badly you had to leave the way you have. All the abuse you’ve suffered will play into your future reactions and interactions with other men. Take your time, and something like children’s parties is a pretty good practise ground actually because mostly they could be there with their partners, or do have a partner but brought the child/ren to the party alone.
Use them to practise on, but without any pressure to get on, or become better friends, or a pick up! You can just practice in a situation thats likely to be one of the safest situations for women like us.
In your own time though.
Warmest wishes
ts
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I can only speak on my experience I’m generally not that shy around men but I speak on confidence only as I can be generally shy in certain situations.and the way I concurred it and still challenger my self is fake it till I make it.my issue is confidence in general I started by using any opportunity to speak to people be it the post man post office anywhere that I go regularly saying a simple hello or striking up conversation this is useful because the anxiety begins to wear of I do hope you can try it as it really helped me I’m a regular at my local post office but if I didn’t push my self I would be met with awkward silences which is what I didn’t want I go in that often and this is the issue I had I didn’t not like being un talkative to a person a see every day and then avoiding the situation it’s ok to be polite and friendly o used to think about going to different ones so I wouldn’t see the same faca and think not her again
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It’s normal, I’m still terrified talking to men cos even though I know these aren’t the people that abused me it’s like I’ve imprinted my abusers onto them and I still feel scared, we’re never gonna be 💯 as we were but choose how long you speak to people for/make excuses to leave the conversation if you feel you have to but yes how your feeling is entirely normal 🤗💛🤗
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