- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by honeyuh.
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20th March 2019 at 2:18 am #74498honeyuhParticipant
Hi all! I was honestly curious if anyone else has had a similar experience as me when it comes to intimacy after an abusive relationship. For instance, since my ex and I broke up I find it very hard to form any romantic feelings for anyone, as soon as someone tells me they like me (even if we have been very obviously flirting for months) I kinda freak and I just can’t feel anything back. I feel uncomfortable with skinship when dating someone, but not out of a relationship? Basically, I am happy to kiss cuddle and be intimate with anyone who is not romantically interested in me, but if they are I freak out and can’t. It’s a struggle and has resulted in me having to break up with numerous wonderful people. I feel like my ex is controlling my life and I don’t know how to get it back.
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20th March 2019 at 1:21 pm #74520IwantmebackParticipant
Hi honeyuh, WA recommend at least 2 years before embarking on a romantic relationship again.sometimes it takes longer. You’re acting wary of getting into such a relationship for very good reasons, you associate a loving relationship with abuse so are therefore avoiding one. I know I’ll never be able to have a relationship like that but it’s good to read that you can go on to have sex. It’s definately the intimacy of getting involved body and soul that holds us back I suppose.
Just concentrate on yourself sweetheart, find out your own boundaries, what you’re willing to accept from a partner, there’s no rush. 💕💕 -
20th March 2019 at 1:49 pm #74523SerenityParticipant
Hi there,
I’ve been out of my marriage for more than a couple of years, and I feel less interested in being intimate with anyone than ever!
Because of what he put me through, used sex and charm to hook me, and because of all the different forms of abuse that went with it, I’m kind of allergic to the whole idea!
I’m focussing upon making my life more secure, living just ‘being’ me rather than always ‘doing’ things for or with a man.
Part of me worries that I am permanently affected by his behaviour, but if I look at it squarely, I think I’m just taking time to enjoy being me. I was a people pleaser all my life, feeling responsible for people- my childhood family, my husband…now, my priority is to just ensure that my kids and I feel safe and enjoy opportunities in life. Sex and intimacy aren’t high on my list. Maybe one day, I will meet someone I trust and would like to get close to, but I can’t see that happening until the kids have flown the nest.
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20th March 2019 at 8:02 pm #74527honeyuhParticipant
thank you both so much <3 it means a lot to just hear it? Knowing I’m not alone and that what I’m feeling isn’t crazy or stupid. Thank you for making me feel a little more at ease.
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