Intimidating me into leaving?

[ISOPeace]

Hi everyone. My husband is regularly and aggressively telling me to leave. I am planning to leave anyway (not that I’ve told him) but I’m wondering what his motivation is. I thought controlling men would want to keep wives around to maintain control. I have been far less compliant recently so maybe he’s trying to scare my into being more compliant again by making me feel even less welcome than usual. Anyway, I welcome your thoughts as always. Xxxx

[Hawthorn]

He can sense the change in you. Remember he has been studying you for years, he senses the shift. Keep your counsel and tell him absolutely nothing. Be the very best actress now, remember leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman and it is very concerning that his aggression is escalating. He is threatening you to intimidate you and throw you off balance, also to make you feel worthless; as though you mean nothing and he can easily cast you aside. It’s all words at the moment but could rapidly escalate to violence if he thought you were actually leaving, these men are most dangerous when they are losing control of us.

Remember your words mean nothing to him so standing up to him will achieve nothing and will just put you in more danger. Act the good little wife part like you were going for an oscar.I know how hard that is but channel your anger into energy to propel yourself out of there and to safety.
Tread very carefully now and take the very best care xx

[ISOPeace]

Thanks Hawthorn for your wise words. A problem is that the less compliant I am, and the more difficult he is, the more I feel like leaving. I’m worried that if I play the good wife things will calm down and I’ll stick my head back in the sand! Xx

[KIP.]

It’s like he’s once again testing you. Fishing for a reaction to see if you will actually go or beg him to stay. My ex used to fish for a reaction all the time. He senses you’re backing away from the relationship and doesn’t trust you to tell him the truth so his abuse will escalate as he tries different tactics to regain control. Mine did the same. Then came the financial abuse. He cancelled all the direct debits and expected me to pay half the bills when he knew I couldn’t afford them. Then found another woman and rubbed my nose in that. Well he got my reaction. A divorce petition and then his arrest and conviction. Good riddance to bad rubbish x get out as quickly and safely as you possible can x

[BlueSkiesTomorrow]

ISOpeace, my ex used to test me like this – he would also threaten to leave me (and of course I begged him not to, which was precisely what he wanted me to do). I completely agree with the others on this. Its all about control and controlling you. He probably has spotted a change and he’s trying some new tactics on you. Stay strong. When I did eventually leave, my ex was totally shocked. He could not believe what he was seeing. Even though he had suggested it a few times himself!

[Empoweredhealing]

Threatening a breakup is in itself a manipulative attempt to gain control. He wants to see if he can bring you back under the fold by playing the last card he has. My ex used to do this all the time, especially right after he’s been abusive and I’m pulling away. He can sense that I’m plotting my escape, almost as if he could read my mind. But it’s a different story when you actually attempt to leave. That’s when he’ll start crying, pleading, guilt trips, even subtle threats of suicide. Or he’ll reject you, stonewall, replace you quickly with someone else. It’s all part of the toxic soup of abuse.

[Author]

Posts