Is anyone’s else’s partner like this?

[Lilminx]

Maybe I’m being shallow, but thinking I’m not lol I’ll let you decide .
I wonder if anyone else’s partner is like mine… he went back to work (removed by moderator) and the clothes he put on for work are the exact same clothes he’s still wearing today, now I realise by just reading that your thinking “as he got a dirty job etc” he works in (removed by moderator)  so it’s not a ‘clean’ job but what I forgot to add is he’s also wearing the same boxers and socks that he put on , (removed by moderator)  So basically the shirt he put on , (removed by moderator)  he’s lived in , not taken it off same applies to the boxers and socks , I should also add he’s not washed or showered either!! .

Can anyone else relate to this?

[SaharaD]

Hi Lilminx

I remember a few women writing about the grossness of their partners and lack of personal hygiene.

The general consensus by healthcare professionals, hygiene experts etc is that you should change your underwear and socks every day and you should have a “wash”/ shower/bath every day.

I can only assume that he is either deliberately being unhygienic( through motive or depression) or is uneducated in hygiene standards.

I work with (removed by moderator) and I’m constantly washing my hands so much that they dry out. I don’t want my customers or myself getting sick due to poor hygiene.

Some abusive men are low functioning and some are high functioning, the commonality is that they are abusive.

[Lilminx]

He’s not depressed and seeing as the dates have been blanked out which is rather stupid as surely he can’t be the only male to have returned to work when he did??

Anyway he basically LIVES in the same clothes , day in, day out, he’ll sleep in his clothes and wears them to work the next day and he’ll wear them for days at a time including his underwear and socks .

I no he used to be on the road a lot in his younger years and his mum died when he was young but I met his family and they are all clean .

I do think that he doesn’t seem the point in washing/showering or changing his underwear especially and clothes often because as he says “he isn’t going anywhere/meeting anyone” he did tell me some years back that only dirty people wash! Maybe he believes this .

I do no he stinks! I smell him when he comes near me and am surprised no one at work as said anything to him yet , if I say anything he’ll spray deodorant .

I think with him it’s a case of love him as he is.

[Serenity]

You aren’t shallow to react to this.

I think in some cases, a lack of cleanliness can be down to depression/ mental health issues, anxiety, lack of self-esteem, etc.

But I think in some cases it can signal a lack of respect for you and others, and a type of arrogance. They can’t be bothered to keep up normal standards, assume you will find them irresistible in spite of it, and they don’t think they have to maintain a certain standard of personal hygiene for you! It shows a lack of effort and complacency.

In the worst instance, it can be intentional- a kind of passive aggressive stance. They do things because they know you don’t like it.

My ex was so arrogant that he assumed I would find him intoxicating even though he could have washed more. I found this disrespectful and arrogant, though so didn’t say anything except once it twice, when he expected us to be intimate and I was pushed to ask him to go and wash. To me, habitually not bothering to be clean when being intimate with your partner shoes a real lack of respect.

Towards the end of our marriage, I think he liked to annoy me by being unkempt, leaving his dirty laundry on the floor, making a huge mess in the house, and he even took to slurping his tea noisily and eating with his mouth open to try to get me to react. He’d try to start an argument. I didn’t rise to it.

I know a few people whose hygiene standards and habits are not very good, and they also come across as very arrogant, and so wonder whether a lack of effort with hygiene or manners is indicative of a type of n********t, someone so self-immersed and up themselves that they don’t feel they need to make the normal effort or abide by norms of behaviour. My ex certainly thought himself irresistible, despite his bad manners.

[Lilminx]

I think you may be right and it’s arrogance with him , thinks I still find him irresistible , you no like he’s got me now do there’s no point in him trying anymore , he seems blind to the fact that I no longer hug him or kiss him and move away when he comes near , I won’t even sleep in the same bed .

I think he does it because he knows I don’t like it as I,m not like that myself , maybe he’s trying to get a reaction from me ? I used to react many years ago , always moaned st him , told him he smelled , but now I don’t bother , he’s his own person he doesn’t need me to tell him when to wash, change his clothes , if I thought he was depressed then I’d certainly encourage him to do them but I no he’s not.
It’s a case of his world, his rules

[Midnight Marbles]

My husband is awful!!
He showers once a week, cleans his teeth then changes his socks and boxers! He works in a manual job and gets sweaty and smelly. He never washes his hands when he’s been to the loo. He complains when he makes me a cup of tea in a dirty mug and I don’t drink it.

I now tell him he smells and he called me a stuck up b***h.

Although I think he’s like this because he can’t be bother, why should he, he thinks. His teeth are horrid and brown, he doesn’t care. He also uses the ‘only dirty people wash’ line.

So no your not shallow, just have respect for yourself and others😃

[Midnight Marbles]

Sorry

You have respect for yourself and others.

[Lilminx]

I think mine is once a week too lol sometimes is longer than that tho and like you mine works a manual job so gets smelly and sweaty and yes he’ll do a full change then , you sure it’s not the same fella? Lol .
Oh but you wrote about teeth, one as none and never brushed them when he did have them .

I,m just gonna leave him to it now , me moaning at him because he smells only makes him more determined not to wash/shower or get changed , never known a man like him before and don’t see the factionation with being dirty like that myself but each to their own lol

[Midnight Marbles]

Good idea, funny how when you read posts you have to check its not what you’ve written because the man is the one your living with!

[Lilminx]

I guess it’s good to know your not the only one suffering like this or going thru that and whereas his behaviour is far from normal a lot of abusive men act like that. (detail removed by moderator)

 

[Herindoors]

Hi Lilminx. My ex was similar. He would wear the same clothes for days on end, never cleaned his teeth or showered. Weirdly though he didn’t smell most of the time. I got to thinking that he was secretly cleaning up when I was at work but pretending he didn’t because he knew it grossed me out. Our child confirmed they could never ever remembering him shower. And he would want a spontanious love life! Not only did I not want to go near him because of his emotional abuse but physically I was never sure how clean he was. I didn’t fantatise about young, hot, good looking men – just a man who I knew showered every day and was nice to me! LOL

[Lilminx]

That’s mine all over accept he does smell lol I swear his clothes running screaming to the washing machine and I always wondered why he couldn’t find clothes but now I no why it’s because they hide lol they don’t want to be put on his body ..

He also expects sex on demand , hugs and kisses to and moans when I have to push him away .

[Author]

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