Viewing 6 reply threads
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    • #7920
      Finkle
      Participant

      Is change a possible thing from an abuser? Is north staying if they say they will change and have booked doctors appointments and are planning ways to improve, or will it end up with a relapse into the abuse?

    • #7921
      Finkle
      Participant

      Sorry, is it worth staying*

      • #8448
        godschild
        Participant

        Hi, From what I have read it takes lot for an abuser to change, most don’t but I have two books both American and they seem to have better help for perpertrators there, some go through a long course ans still remain in denial as their abuse though, both books are written by Ex abusers the first is by Austin James entitled Emotional abuse the silent killer of marriage, he was emotionally abusive for 30 years and the other one is Angry men and the women who love them by Paul Hegstrom, he was physically and emotionally abusive and is now fully reformed, he actually divorced his wife without her even knowing, as he lied as to not knowing where she was they re married after being apart for I think 7 years as he truly had changed My abuser refuses to read these books and calls the authors all sorts but they have given me great insight into how the abuser works and what is the possible root of it, Im pretty sure they are both avaiable from amazon

    • #7922
      Confused123
      Participant

      No Hun , in my experience it’s better to walk away , if his getting help good for him, but too late for u two, I gave my ex numerous chances thinking this time would change , they don’t is just a trick to trap us in same cycle , stay strong and stay away , I know it’s hard but try to
      Do no contact

    • #8002
      lilbbysprout
      Participant

      I think the most important thing is your safety first. Not just physically, but emotionally. Booking doctors appointments and having the intent of going to them does not mean your perpetrator will always follow through. Nor does it mean that even if they do, you’re in a safer place. Someone who is abusive or aggressive or violent needs a lot of help, as well as a lot of time to change and become this “better” person they strive to be. I know the hardest thing to do is to walk away from somebody that you thought was different than this, and you may be in shock, but please take care of yourself and put yourself first. Good luck.

    • #8006
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi xx

      Mine was always promising to change, and that he was sorry.

      For a while it would be and then he would start again and each time it was worse. But it would became a cycle that I couldn’t get out of.

      Me staying has messed with both my children’s head.

      Don’t doubt your instincts.

      FS xx

    • #8010
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Sorry No they don’t change its who they are their character but they are good at changing lies and partners and then they can tell all their old lies to the new partner so it saves them having to change
      Big hugs xx

    • #8351
      Ayanna
      Participant

      My advise: run sister and never look back

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