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I’m in the process of divorcing my husband, who I think has been emotionally abusive, but he are still in the same house for now. I keep doubting myself though. Initially after I filed for divorce he ignored me (as in wouldn’t even acknowledge me in front of the children) for (detail removed by moderator). Since then he won’t initiate speaking to me but if I have to ask something practical about the kids he will respond with a nod or occasionally says yes or no. I know that in a way this is a good thing because he’s not saying anything bad (he leaves that to correspondence with my solicitor) but its got me doubting myself again. He’s accused me of abuse before and now it seems like he is grey rocking me. I’m really worried that 9’ve got this all wrong and it is me after all. Would really appreciate some support.
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You’ve not got it wrong, this is another form of abuse. He’s stonewalling you and making himself out to be the victim here, plus as beachhut said it’s making you doubt your decision. A normal adult would yes, be hurt by a separation and probably pull away/do their own thing but would also look to sort & discuss things, especially the kids. Silence and acting like you don’t exist are methods of control, its saying you’re below him too and not worthy engaging with. Keep moving forward to leave and live freely with your kids. x
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Hi, I Just want to say I am really questioning myself too. My husband has chosen to leave and divorce me. He has been accusing me of abuse but has used the last few months to also have me and his new GF in his life.Turns out he has been abusive for years… I have been subjected to the silent treatment to manipulate – he did it out of control. I have currently cut all contact including the children I have done this due to safety and to stop myself being dragged in. So you can see in both circumstances we are both doing the same thing but for very, very different reasons. I am extreme clued up on all of the current lingo and words and I can really see it in others and give advice but when it comes to me I completely doubt myself. So I am hopeful that me giving my example shows you that although not identical our situations are similar and used often by abusers and by me seeing yours also makes me realise that I am not going mad this was his intention all along.
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My ex would do that just stop talking to me for days to “protect” himself. He never directly accused me of being abusive but he implied it. I thought I was going crazy trying to work out what I’d done but never could as I hadn’t done anything. I had no idea of what was going on until he turned physical. I still don’t think he thinks he’s done anything wrong as everything was always my fault. I’m still now struggling to make decisions as he would always confuse me by questioning what I’d done or get angry if i didn’t agree with him
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