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    • #7144
      Tinydancer80
      Participant

      A bit confused. Been out of my abusive relationship for a long time now but still feel like I’m in it.
      When he contacts me about our son I end up feeling shakey and anxious.
      He messes me around with contact with our son and then tries to blame me for it. He demands to have little one over night but I feel this is more about him wanting a fight with me than about our son.
      I’m stopping his contact with our son due to concerns over the little ones safety and new evidence and I’m petrified of telling him.
      I know he will try to manipulate and control me and make me feel like it’s my fault.
      I feel like I’m still in the abusive relationship!
      There isn’t a day goes by when I don’t think about him at least once. Feel threatened and scared by him even though he has done nothing. I’m so vulnerable.

    • #7145
      KIP.
      Participant

      Yes, he is still abusing you. You don’t have to see him or speak to him. You can arrange child contact through a third party. Can you visit your local women’s aid or ring the helpline. It’s awful that you’re still being abused. I can’t stress how going no contact helps us heal much quicker. He sounds like a bully too. Take all the help you can get. Get the police or ss to tell him the new evidence. If you can cut him out now and organise a third party you can all get into a routine. Otherwise this man will abuse you for the rest of your life. You deserve to feel safe and at peace❤️

    • #7177
      Tinydancer80
      Participant

      Hi Kip,
      I have spoken to the police with regards the new evidence but I have been advised not to make a statement as it involves someone else who is not willing to make a statement themselves.
      The police officer suggested that it wouldn’t be in mine or my sons best interests and said there is enough evidence already for him not to get overnight care of little one.
      I’m just really scared about what will happen when he finds out I’m stopping contact with our son. He doesn’t even know about the new evidence and I can’t tell him because it will make someone else unsafe.
      It’s all such a mess! I just want him out of our lives for good.

    • #7178
      KIP.
      Participant

      Have you spoken to a solicitor about a non molestation order? You can get some free advice and see if there is anything that can be done.

    • #7192
      Tinydancer80
      Participant

      I had a non molestation order that ran out a while ago. It wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. He still made contact and when I told the police they said there was a word written in my non molestation order which meant they couldn’t do anything about it. I was very angry as it had cost me money to get the order issued to him.
      Sometimes it feels as though the law doesn’t protect us.
      I just want him out of our lives.
      I know that he has rights as the father of our son but I just can’t sit back and watch him drag our little boy round to every new woman’s house every year and allow the little one to witness the abuse over and over again.
      I want him to take me to court so it’s legally binding that my son lives with me because as it stands at the moment my ex has as much parental responsibility as me and can take little one and not return him. That’s a scary thought!
      His ex partner has confided in me about the physical abuse she suffered with him and now he’s in yet another new relationship.
      I wish his ex would give a statement to the police as he is still on probation and would probably be locked up for a while. But I understand why she is scared not to.
      I’m at a loss!!

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