Is it abuse

[12345@12345]

Hi so I have been going through a really difficult time! My partner always attacks me verbally calling me names he says I need to change all the time! He recently has started to accused me of brown nosing my manager and cheating we work together which is difficult for me at the moment and he’s causing me stress in work due to this! He calls me a s**g he’s called me an unfit mother in the past! I can’t do no right I’m always wrong in his eyes! I get up and see to the kids on my own everyday I clean do is washing get things for him! It’s recently got bad the verbal abuse is so hurtful I feel like I cant live or breathe when he calls me hurtful names! He will then calm down and in the morning he will still make me a coffee and he then says sorry are you my friend? Then I will walk on egg shells until I do something that causes him to attack me again! It’s so hard I just need advice as he has a pain condition called fibromyalgia and he uses this as an excuse why he doesn’t do anything to help or support me at home! I need help and advice what shall I do it’s getting worse and everyday I pray he will just stop!!

[Bananaboat]

Have you read Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘why does he do that’, you can find it free pdfs online  or buy a copy, you won’t regret it.

I literally just posted on another post about illness so apologies for repeating myself but my ex had a health condition which conveniently stopped him doing things I or the kids needed but didn’t seem to impact things he wanted to do. They also tend to have conditions which are hard to prove – like MH or unseen conditions like bad backs, and I wonder if this one falls into that bracket too. It’s a debilitating condition but is he even trying?

That push & pull of treating you like dirt then acting like nothing is wrong is such a classic abuse tactic but it works sadly. If he asked ‘are you my friend’ like a 5 year old by the way, and you said no I’m going to guess he’d kick off again or you’d get the silent treatment- so what do you do? You keep the peace, say yeah sure and boom he’s got his way and you’ve died a bit inside.

That name calling is so hurtful isn’t it, it crushes you inside and again you change because of it. I’m a bad mum? Ok I’ll do even more because I don’t want anyone to think that!! Cue him doing less. They also project so he’s actually a bad dad but covers it by projecting his failings onto you.

Honestly read the book and posts on here, and you’ll recognise more and more similarities. Then you can start to think what do I do next x

[Lisa]

Hi 12345@12345,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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