Is it abuse?

[PrincessLeia]

I left my ex husband just over a year ago, but he insists on coming to my house every day to see the kids. If I don’t allow this, he becomes very nasty. He’s never hit me, or threatened me or the kids. He’s hit the steering wheel whilst driving oncecehen I’ve annoyed him, and hit doors too when I’ve sHd or done something to annoy him. He also stands in doorways, so it’s impossible to leave the room without asking him to move. He does this constantly and always has. Even when I’ve asked him not to.
If I don’t behave how he wants, he gets nasty with me. He’s started his guilt trips with my little boy now. He’s only (detail removed by moderator), and he tried making him feel really bad for having to go to the shop in the rain, to get him something.
I used to be terrified of taking too long in supermarkets if he waited in the car, because he’d have such a go at me. I became seriously anxious every time I stepped foot in a shop eventually.
Nothing I ever did was right. From hanging clothes on the line, to cleaning work surfaces. My cooking was constantly called “edible”. he made fun of me in front of people constantly, and lied about things in order to make fun of me for believing them.
He left me with £400 council tax debt when he left. He lied about paying it, and got nasty with me and blamed the council. He also told me his exes were crazy liars who treated him badly, and so were his mother and brother. None of this was true.
He’d move stuff and make fun when u couldn’t find it, and he’s since done this in my new home.
He’s also sent threatening messages to acouple if men I know, under a false Facebook account.
My mum suspects he stole her wedding ring, because no one else goes in their house except family.
Money constantly went missing from my purse, and he blamed my memory or dizziness. It’s never gone missing since I started hiding it in my new house .(due to jewellery and passports went missing for a while)
I just feel stupid contacting domestic violence helpline when he never hit me .

[Malachite]

I’m a complete newbie, literally only just logged in for the first time so you don’t have to take what I say seriously. A lot of this sounds like emotional abuse: did you feel like you were “walking on eggshells” around him? Him taking money from you and making you feel like you imagined it sounds pretty bad too. I don’t think you should feel stupid getting in touch with the helpline, especially if he stops you from leaving rooms and manipulates your son. The threatening messages to other men may be useful if you ever need to keep him away from your son, although it is awful he is doing that. I’m sorry to hear he’s being so awful. I don’t think anyone on the helpline would say this isn’t bad enough just because he hasn’t hit you, I assume they’re trained to give advice about emotional and finance abuse.

[Relieved]

Hi PrincessLeia, I’ve just put my story on Are you new to the forum? I was a victim of non violent abuse. Read my story, it might help you understand what’s happening to you and to get help.

[Author]

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