Is it abuse again

[Sallysally]

I am out of a (detail removed by moderator) abusive relationship (mainly verbal, emotional, threats etc

I met who I thought was a genuine safe man who asked me to move in with him, he has always had a bit hotheaded but calms down quickly

When I first moved in I was still greiving about losing my home etc & having to go into hiding, he pushed & grabbed me a couple of times because I didnt clean the house a certain way, but I was too depressed to care

He always says it is my fault & possibly it is

We had a bad row today because he is always paranoid I dont wash veg to his standard? He went mad & said he wouldn’t eat my food anymore, I got mad back & shouted at him
He put his hands round my throat to strangle me?
He took them away pretty quick & just have a bit of a sore neck & a few Mark’s,
Again he has just brushed it off like it is nothing & it was my fault
I am so confused 😥

[KIP.]

Please report this to the police. He’s dangerous and extremely abusive. Can you go and stay with friends or relatives?

[KIP.]

Take photographs of the injuries and send them to someone you trust. Go and tell your GP too. Sadly we are extremely vulnerable after an abusive relationship to other predators. It sounds despicable x can you contact women’s aid?

[Sallysally]

Thankyou
I have my daughter who is going to be homeless because of her abusive dad
My family are abusive too

Trouble is he just laughs it off like I am exaggerating & I am mad,
I am under alot of pressure right now as trying to divorce my abusive ex
I am sure he would even talk the police around

I feel so ashamed of myself it has happened again?
I will try & phone womens aid tommorow x

[Hetty]

He can’t talk the police around. There is no excuse for putting his hands round your throat and this is a major red flag. This man is extremely dangerous. Please speak with services. Don’t feel ashamed. This is nothing to do with you and everything to do with this predator. If it makes you feel any better I too am in my second marriage with an emotionally abusive man so here I am making steps to get out. Please, please put your safety first. X*x

[diymum@1]

I think we do feel it’s our fault – I’m the same two bad relationships- they were the bloomin same. This is not our fault or yours it has to lie with them – the blame. He’s brushing it off and playing it down so we start questioning the reality. Try not to do this he has assaulted you. You really need to report this make sure u have photos tonight – safety always has to come first xx sending you hugs 🤗 sweetheart xx love diymum

[Sallysally]

Thankyou
I am trying to pack stuff without him knowing but will have to try & rent somewhere for now so will take a few weeks to sort it out

[fizzylem]

Hi SS, yes me too I’m afraid, went from one into the next – not this time though! Wont do it again, will get my home and hang on to it for dear life. Really think you need to log this incident with the police; could help, they wont act if you dont want them to, but you need it logged whether you decide to pursue it further or not xx

[Hetty]

Please be careful. Focus on getting your most valuable small items and important documents out. I’ve got my passports and birth certificates in my car currently stashed away. I’ve got other bits and pieces at my family members home. Nothing major that he’d miss, just sentimental items that I want like my son’s first drawings etc. Things I’d forget if I was in a hurry. I’ve also been selling stuff on eBay, anything that can raise a bit of cash that I don’t want anymore. I’ve decluttered too so I’m not packing loads of c**p when the time comes. I know what’s important to my son and the rest I’ve sent to charity. It’s taking time but it keeps me focused and calm. I just have little clear outs every now and then and he doesn’t suspect a thing. I’ve also taken photos of all our important documents and emailed them to my work account: wills, financial statements etc. ❤️

[Sallysally]

Thanks guys
Phoned a womens domestic abuse local centre & they are offering a case worker
I will phone the police if he kicks off again

I have refused to cook, make coffee, wash up as this is a major source of his anger
I have tried to say to him why would he want to stay with me if I am not good enough?

[Hetty]

Well done for making this brave step. I wouldn’t engage in any relationship talk, nothing to do with how you’re feeling, what your plans are, trying to talk through issues. For one it falls on deaf ears and it won’t bring about anything positive, but also it might alert him that you’re becoming stronger and might leave. Keep everything as normal as possible. I know this is hard x

[Sallysally]

Thankyou Hetty
I will try x

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