Tagged: Is this wrong?
20th November 2019 at 2:59 pm #91912
I’ve been in a relationship for several years. When it first started it was great. He seemed like a wonderful guy and he made me feel like I was the only one for him. After a few months he seemed less interested in spending to e together because he said family made him spend time with them. When we did spend time together it was great and he often spoke of marriage and having children one day. During this period he would often become moody out of the blue and either refuse my calls or give me very short 1-3 word replies to messages. He would become angry if I called in to see him and it wasn’t pre-planned but he was the same with workmen, couriers etc if it wasn’t pre-agreed. He eventually proposed and we started looking for a home together. Once we had signed for a property things started to get worse. After signing for a mortgage he quit his job because he didntvlike it. He began to withdraw when decisions about the house and furnishings were to be made. He would give me horrible calls and messages daying he wanted nothing to do with the house and I should make the decisions and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to move in. Things were fine the night before so ideas a shock. Since moving in He gets angry very easily. He criticises everything I do around the house as being the wrong way of doing things and he calls me useless, an idiot, a d*****s, r****d and other names. He clenched his fists and makes a noise when he sees something that has annoyed him and storms out or he’ll sit in silence and snap at me if I try to talk. If I try to tell him something his response is to ask me what my point is and what am I talking about. He took the ring back and slicked me out of the master bedroom shortly after moving in. He was on a temper struggling to put up the curtains in the spare room that night. I had to sleep on the cpncrete floor downstairs the first night until I buikt the ned. I still stay in the spare room but he thinks I should be the one to ask him to come back in. I asked and he then scoffed and said no. He says I don’t communicate but if I do I get ignored or told he doesn’t want to talk or he’s breaking up with me. I have to put my money in a joint account every month to pay the bills because he still can’t find work. I paid more of the deposit but he made me put the house into a joint tenancy. He insisted I stop taking my antidepressants because he wants a baby next year and they effect fertility which isn’t true. We don’t have a sex life but he gets angry saying I’m not affectionate with him but it’s only because when I do try to hold him or kiss him he pulls away in disgust. I feel so confused. I feel like it’s my fault and I’mm a rubbish partner because I can’t make him happy. I get nervous about cooking because I’m not good at it anymore. He got angry saying my forwarding of the tv ads was useless, snatched the remote off me before throwing it on the sofa where it accidentally hit me. I haven’t cut my hair for months on end because I can’t afford to. He says he broke up with me again recently because I was half an hour late coming back from seeing family. Is it normal to be spoken to like this. I know he finds me annoying but I don’t think I’m that bad really. Is it me being too sensitive? O feel so confused!
20th November 2019 at 3:18 pm #91913hopParticipant
Ohh sweetheart, no you’re not being sensitive, you’re not annoying and he is an abuser. Sleeping on a concrete floor, making decisions about your medicine, saying you’re useless and hitting you with the remote. He’s definitely abusing you. None of this is your fault it’s all him and the up and down way he’s making you feel sounds exhausting. Take care and you should try to ring the women’s aid helpline. Having a real voice validating what you’re going through and being able to advise you would probably really help. It’s not you, it’s not in your head x
20th November 2019 at 3:59 pm #91916EscapeeParticipant
I totally agree with FF.
What you are experiencing is 100% abuse.
Please call WA for advice.
I think it would be wise to start taking your antidepressants again and ensure you are covered contraceptive wise. In fact, it would be a really good idea to tell your GP what is happening and friends and family that you trust.
You need to think about getting out sweetheart because it is totally him. This is NOT your fault.
20th November 2019 at 7:58 pm #91942
Thank you! I made dinner tonight to give him a break from cooking (I work full time with a long commute so don’t cook every night). (Detail removed by moderator) I can’t bring myself to go downstairs tonight. I know it wasn’t like he properly hit me or anything but the anger shook me up a bit. This is supposed to be soneonecwho loves me. My family are worried about me and I think about leaving but I’m so confused I don’t trust myself to make decisions anymore.
20th November 2019 at 8:12 pm #91944HettyParticipant
His behaviour is absolutely disgusting. This is not your fault. These men take all of their inner turmoil and rage and dump it in us. He’s emotionally abusing you and his aggression sounds like it’s escalating. They start off with the facade of being nice. It’s a mask they wear to hook in kind and loving partners then they start to show their true colours.
You deserve so much better than this.
Start logging his behaviour. Keep a journal on your phone if it’s safe to do so.
Speak with WA. Get some perspective on the situation and what your next steps could look like.
Have you a supportive family you could turn to?
Trying to be the best partner in the world will not work. He’ll find fault with whatever you do. Men like his have deep feelings of inadequacy which they want us to carry for them.
You don’t deserve to live like this x*x
20th November 2019 at 8:24 pm #91947CecileParticipant
Sounds like an exact clone of mine. Go go go, get out as fast as you can.
20th November 2019 at 8:54 pm #91951EscapeeParticipant
If you can stay with family, go as soon as possible.
Don’t let him know – this often makes the abuse worse and can be very dangerous for you.
Notify work of a different bank account – don’t get you money paid into the joint account – you need to look after you now sweetheart. And take important documents with you, birth certificate, passport etc.
We’re all here for you xxxx
20th November 2019 at 10:39 pm #91959AnonymousInactive
New here too. Felt the courage tonight to start writing and I may as well copy and paste your post verbatim – he sounds EXACTLY like my partner. We have been together nearly 2 years, he moved into my home 7 months ago. I am constantly in confusion, he makes me feel like everything I do is “wrong” or “idle” or “worthless”. In the heat of a row he is clever with words and somehow makes me feel like it is all my fault and I’m then grappling for security and cannot remember any of the bad things he has done! There’s a lot more to it than this but I will start a new thread when I feel stronger. I have started making a journal recently and it has helped a lot. Please do that if you can do it safely.
More than anything, thanks for the courage to post. You’ve helped me tonight to know I’m not the only one in this situation and that in itself has provided me comfort, thank you for being so brave x
20th November 2019 at 11:12 pm #91962IwantmebackParticipant
Reading both your posts ladies, saddens me no end. My husband was like yours,probably would still be if I hadn’t found the courage to walk out,but I did. Reading your posts made me remember just how bad things were. I too journaled, but I guess even though when I read back what I wrote its not hit home quite the same. I reached my enough us enough moment early on this year, had planned on leaving on the Saturday but he too complained at me not using the remote correctly/quickly enough and I decided to leave the next day instead, in case i bottled it and didn’t leave when he was out on the Saturday. It sounds so silly and trivial yet it was that that tipped me over the edge.
I hope with our help that you both can get those men out of your lives.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞
23rd November 2019 at 12:49 am #92178
Hi ladies, thanks you all for your kind words and support. I have been making plans to leave and I have a room set up in my parent’s house and have packed a hold-all with some clothes in case I need to leave quickly. After th last few days with everything getting worse he really lost his temper this morning over the (detail removed by moderator) being in the wrong place. He said he couldn’t stand to live with someone like me anymore and I didn’t show him respect and he didn’t trust me any more. He then declared that his own personal savings would be gone in another month and he had decided he couldn’t see a future with someone like me, he hated me and he wanted to sell our home and leave (the house needs some work so not straight away). I’m completely thrown by it all. I’ve spend hours crying and I just can’t sleep. Is it really me. Am I that awful that I pushed him away? What if he wasn’t abusive and it really was me making feel that way all along? Abusers don’t usually leave partners? If he is abusive what does it say about me that even he doesn’t want me!?
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