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    • #38895
      PrincessCrown
      Participant

      I was with my partner the other night, who has a history of being emotionally abusive towards me. He told me he would change and that he wanted to put me first, and i believed him. He was making some degrading and sexual comments towards me the other night, making comments about my mental health which I found offensive. I asked him to stop and he told me they were only “jokes” but I didn’t find them very funny. I ended up confronting him and shouting at him for the comments to which he said that i clearly don’t understand his sense of humour. He has ADHD so I am aware that he can sometimes say offensive things without realizing it. I told him that he needs to seek support for his ADHD and he refused telling me I would have to “deal with it.” I arranged help for him at work and he told me he didnt even turn up to it and lied to me about attending. He also kissed two girls on a night out recently despite telling me that he was elsewhere. I really am at a loss and I can’t bring myself to leave him, he really does have me wrapped about his little finger. He is trying to pressure me into going to appointments to get more benefit money even though I don’t want to, telling me he isn’t going to lend me any if I need help. Is this abuse? Please help

    • #38899
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Dear Princesscrown

      He is lying and cheating and. Manipulating you potentially to the point of serious crime, fraud.

      Gather whatever strength youneed from wherever you can get it for yourself to keep you safe and find the happiness you deserve .

      Warmest wishes KS x

    • #38900
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Also, is ADHD really any excuse for him to speak to you this way and expect you to just put up with it!?

      Hmmm…no

    • #38903
      danicali
      Blocked

      any man who spends considerable time trying to convince you that you’re (detail removed by Moderator), when you’re not, is a serious abuser. that is serious head working. (detail removed by Moderator) they deflect and make out it’s your problem. not good, this. (detail removed by Moderator)

    • #38906
      WalkerInTheRain
      Participant

      Are you involved with my ex???

      We all make jokes and sometimes we step over the line. However, if it’s made clear it’s upsetting, then most people would apologise and never repeat the “joke”.
      These aren’t jokes. They are carefully constructed to undermine your confidence and cause confusion in one swoop.
      He’s not treating you with dignity and respect and he’s trying to coerce you into what may be fraudulent benefit claims. He may also use this against you in the future to silence you “if you don’t do x then I’ll report you”.

      I used ADHD as an excuse for my ex’s behaviour for years but it was just something to divert my attention away from what was most definitely abuse.

    • #38911
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      This man ( and I use the term loosely) has addled your brain like mine did. While you are in close contact it is hard to think straight.

      I made more excuses than I can remember for his behaviour, but they are responsible for their actions and how they treat us.

      All I can say it that there is nothing you could have said or do to have stop him from abusing you.

      You need support to be come strong enough to make decisions, keep posting on here and contact Womans Aid, I had a support worker and her support along with this site has help me so much

      FSxx

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