This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

  • Author
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  • #85974
     SweetDisposition 
    Participant

    I’ve been given an unconditional offer to start university in September and I want to go. I know in the long run it’ll be better for everyone; financially, extra support, career wise etc. Currently I can’t even afford things for my son and rely on pocket money from my grandma; I want to better our Future together. However, my mam has tested me in the past and I’m afraid she’s testing me again; she’s not been supportive of my application to go to university and she shuts the conversation down when I ask for advice. My dad seems indifferent about the whole thing too as he’s afraid of m**s reactions. If I go to university, will she accuse me of not being loyal to her and not putting what she wants first? She has special guardianship of my son and, thought I have PR and a lot of responsibility when it comes to his care, I’m afraid she’ll weaponise him and make me feel guilty for being at uni for 3 and a half days a week – but I want to do this for him. I know what my decision is, but I’m afraid of the repercussions

  • #85978
     KIP. 
    Participant

    This is how controlling behaviour shows itself. She’s going to give you a hard time no matter what your decision. If she’s worried about child care, can you offer to find a place for your child elsewhere. At a nursery or child care through uni? Distance yourself from her as much as you can. You’re absolutely doing the right thing for yourself and your child. And in the long run she will benefit too. Take the offer. Go and try it. You won’t know until you take those first steps. We are all fearful of change and new things but this is exciting for you. Go ahead and wait until a barrier appears then you can deal with it when and if it happens. Don’t let her rule your life x

  • #85988
     SweetDisposition 
    Participant

    I’m worried that if I’m not with him at every chance I get then I’ll damage the relationship between us? I don’t want to harm the bond between me and my baby- I think that’s mam guilt? I know in the long term it’ll be best for us, but he’s just turned (age removed by moderator), he’ll be aware of the change

  • #85991
     KIP. 
    Participant

    My son was in a nursery full time from age (detail removed by moderator). Kids are very resilient. It does them good to have new experience and it gives you space too for quality time with him. It’s not the quantity it’s the quality time you spend together. If you are happy and fulfilled it will pass down to him. If you’re unhappy and anxious, it’s not good for either. Do what makes you happy x

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