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Hi Ladies
As my topic title says are you ever just tired of ‘the struggle’, of ‘being strong’ of ‘looking at how far you’ve come’ of ‘the end is in sight’?
Writing this I know I sound like a spoilt brat because I know I’m in a much better position than many having successfully left quite a while ago but I’m still dealing with legal and financial and child contact issues and (removed by moderator) I’ve just had another setback when I was so close to the finishing line on one issue I could almost touch it. This has caused me so much stress and hard work and may really impact me detrimentally for years to come, I just feel like I want to cry with despair and frustration. The only luck I seem to have is no luck or bad luck!!!!
Apologies I’m feeling sorry for myself but as always this is my go to place when i need to vent as there is always someone who knows how I feel and/or has some wise words to share xx I hope there is tonight too xx
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Hi LifeBegins
yes, absolutely, totally! As I’m sure many can also say. It is exhausting, and its not over till its over. The keep getting up, the keep fighting, the keep hoping, the keep being knocked back, facing worse, struggling harder, yes, that is the reality of this fight, and its really not over till you feel its over and you truly feel safe.
There are so many hurdles along the way, and every woman’s journey can look different, but thats the beauty of being able to moan and vent here, is the similar hurdles we can help each other jump, the understanding that comes from having felt that way or faced the same feelings/struggles.
Sorry that you didn’t get anyone online last night when you needed it, and I hope that you may have felt a bit better this morning? Do keep posting and asking for the help you need.
warmest wishes
ts
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You dont sound sorry for yourself at all and yes oh yes I get this.
I get sick and tired of fighting of having to lie of feeling guilty for my actions for working for wanting a life my whole day is based around him what mood is he in what can I do etc I have a couple of support people who say come on look how far youve come keep going bla bla some days i wanna shout at them and say I dont wanna have to look how far ive come i dont want to fight another day I dont want this to be my life. I wanna be loved like others are normal happy content supportive love.
So sweetie you are not alone ever here. You moan you let it out you are amoungst women who get it and who really do care. Im sorry things havent gone to plan for you sweetie I really am I really hope you can find another way.
Sending you big hugs today x*x -
I remember when I was right in the thick of it, posting something on here very similar. You feel horrible because people mean well and they are supporting you in the only way they know how. But there were lots of times that I did not feel brave or strong. I felt like I was clinging on by my fingertips!! And so exhausted. A life like ours is just emotionally exhausting. All the time.
I’m really sorry that things haven’t worked out as you want them to. Sometimes it feels like the world just wants to make things tougher for us when we don’t have enough to deal with! -
I am totally exhausted by it, I’ve been in and out of court for three years and am now being dragged into mediation over the children, he doesn’t actually want them he just wants to pick and chose and come and goes as he pleases. He told me a child arrangement will sort me out.
I just don’t want it anymore – any of it.
I vent all the time – its very hard when you are trying to move forward with someone unreasonable. You just have to keep going towards your future and know that this will one day pass. We are all on a difficult path and I wouldn’t have got through the last three years without this forum. You must keep venting for your own sake and don’t ever give up – its just awful the whole process but I keep saying to myself I survived this far and you must and will too.
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Hi Ladies
Thank you so much for your wise, kind and uplifting words. I know I can come on here and the ladies always rally around and keep me going when I just have had enough. That you understand and feel what I feel is just such a comfort, I can’t put into into words how much I appreciate you all.
I ended up having a fabulous weekend, and being really looked after by my family after a horrible week. It was a special occasion which my ex knew about, so of course, in the midst of celebrations, I get a contentious email about child contact. So predictable. I expected it as did everyone else so instead of letting him ruin our good time, we had a good laugh about what a loser he is, then I filed it and I’ll respond when I’m available not on my weekend break.
You know I think it’s not the thought of the worse happening, I’ve faced what could happen in child and financial issues, it’s it never being over with. You just can’t move on with your life. But weekends like I’ve just had, make me realise how lucky I am, I never would have had such fun and a good time when I was with him. I’ve got to try and focus on that and minimise the bad stuff.
Thank you all again and a massive virtual hug to you all 🤗 xx
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I was just starting to forget about it but it crept back in.
I’m so tired of it it’s becoming “sick of it” at times. Which might well be the healthiest/best way to be in the greater scheme of things.
But of all the things I’ve been through, the year of court was the worst (detail removed by moderator)
All the best x*x
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Hi MovingTarget
Thanks for your support. I think in some ways this has been the hardest time for me as I was geared up for court and thought it would all be over then and then you discover it isn’t by a long shot. I need to get my mindset back to not freaking out/getting stressed- I was doing so well being so strong and ready to fight but now I’m feeling like a victim. But I’ve made a plan of action (I think) and going to see this through.
I think you hit the nail on the head about us feeling like this is maybe good in the bigger scheme of things, not a chance that I’m going to show any mercy now in my dealings. I’ve always tried to be fair and do the right thing and let all sorts of abusive action go just to keep the peace. Not anymore!!!! All they do is take advantage of your good nature which has real detriment on me and my child.
Sending you a big virtual hug 🤗 xx chin up xx
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Weirdly how this post came up again today.
Im tired exhasted beaten down just done. For the first time in a very long time i went to a new friends house for a cuppa and saw how life should be. Her hubby was there said hello went on with his work she had a problem asked him to help he stopped what he was doing helped her no moaning no tutting just helped. She goes out with friends he picks her up sometimes he joins her its all calm normal I guess I would never ever have a friend round for coffee ever he would go mad id be so scared he would walk in shouting at me or somehow he would embarress me. Today I saw calm. Now i know we never know what really goes on behind closed doors but to me this seemed genuine enough. It was a real eye opener and has made me feel really sad that I dont have this.
As this post says Im so tired of this struggle. -
Hi @nbumblebee,
Yes a previous long term relationship I had was like your friend’s. They do exist! Not all moonlight and roses but a relationship where I had lots of friends who all liked him, friends and family over for dinner, bbqs, parties or just popping in. It was a lot of fun. And I have fond memories. I don’t think he ever called me a nasty name in the long time we were together. I left him as I was too young and fell out of love, which I don’t regret, but from that relationship I do know there are decent men out there. So I really have no excuse for staying with an abusive bully for so long as I should/did know better. I guess I didn’t kinda believe it was happening to me, I was in denial.
Good news for you that you have a new friend!!!! That’s something I’m really lacking in my life so I admire you getting out there. Focus on that positive step ❤️Xx
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Ahh bless your heart you cant blame yourself sweetie you really cant. This is all ive ever had ever known. Either way its just so sad isnt it.
Im still in denial still trying to avoid believe its that word still making excuses and blaming myself.
However I hadnt thought of what you said about taking the positive ive knkwn this person a while she saw some bruises in ne asked if I was ok invited me for a coffee ive said no but she had a bad time lately so i offered her some comfort and we met. Its was a little strained im very careful not to talk too much especially about myself but it was nice, but yeah I guess its a good thing wow I really hadnt thought of that my brain always goes dirsct to the negative i worry what i said how i looked sad at what i saw didnt even think of how good it was.
Thank you.
I joined a gym class I was so lonley he doesnt know its in the daytime been there 3 years its taken that long for me to be brave enough to talk but i guess i have. Maybe something to consider sweetie? A club or a grouo or a class, one crazy moment of braveness could change your life. Sending you hugs xxxx
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Yep so sick of it, a big part of me could just give up and go home. I feel so insecure and homeless. My house is up for sale my ex of course is living there I have been living out of a small suitcase and backpack going from one family members or friend to another for months now , I’m putting a brave face on everything but I feel miserable my mood is all over the place. Struggling to find any joy in this situation, I don’t feel lucky or free or strong or optimistic.. please tell me this is normal and it will pass. X
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I’m just so tired of the ups and downs. I’m struggling to decide to go or stay I feel like I’ve got it easy compared to some. I’ve got one grown up child still living at home but if I leave she is coming with me so I don’t have the legal battle of custody. We own our house but it’s all in his name. I feel like I have worked so hard to get here and now I’m walking out with nothing. Some day I just don’t care I could walk out with just the clothes on my back. How do you even start to rebuild your life with nothing at a this point in life when age is not on your side. I just want the rollercoaster ride to stop so I can get off but I can see some loop da loops coming. I know they are coming just dont know when…Im just so tierd. Should I stay or should I go a struggle all of it’s own.
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It’s exhausting and lonely.
Yes even if we keep moving closer to the finish line it’s as if we’ve been trying to climb this huge ladder from a deep dark dirty hole, and as you approach the light you are just so tired that those final steps are almost harder to climb… and we fear falling down the hole again but at least you had feet on the ground whereas now we’re always uncomfortably on that ladder, longing for the light above that feels never arrives, it’s so frustrating…
But we know whats possible. That perception of a healthy relationship between friends, the quiet happy moments with kids when he’s not around… we need to work on being more aware of the good so it takes more space inside us than the bad. It takes loads of practice but I’ve been trying and it helps. -
I so get this. Over 3 years and numerous criminal and family court hearings and still not got to the end. Scared as my restraining order ends soon and potentially he could come back to the house as we have not sorted finances yet.(detail removed by moderator) I hadn’t been on here for months and thought I was coping but today I am just scared and tired. And angry that people see me and think everything is sorted and I’m all fine and I’m not. I’m sad, and I’m scared and tired of courts and solicitors and of being in limbo. I do stuff because I should but I could easily just hide away. I’m lonely and I’m selfish as I resent other people’s lives. Just want closure
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Reading your post was spooky as your experience is so similar to mine I could’ve written it.
I started this thread a few months ago and good news is that what I was so despairing of, has now been successfully resolved. The amount of stress has been unbelievable but you push on as what else can you do. And you will get there. I’m dealing with things piecemeal now so I’ve still got further to go but not for some time and I’m taking a break from it until then and concentrating on other areas of my life.
I feel sad and lonely and b****y resentful too as all my efforts have been in legal battles and I’ve had nothing left in the tank for anything else. It’s exhausting. I just posted another thread as I’m feeling ill from it but determined to get better and live my best life. Everyone thinks I’m fine as I’ve been doing this for so long but I hear you, as my body is now saying otherwise.
You need to look at getting your restraining order extended until financial proceedings are concluded. It is a very contentious time and I totally understand the worry of having him back in the home. Pm me if you have any questions.
Although I’m struggling health wise I feel ecstatic that a large chunk of the legal issues are over. You will get there. Take heart. And stay strong 💪
Sending you a big virtual hug 🤗
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