Is it me or is this normal?

[Rainydays]

I tried to get us through Easter without the usual horrific scenarios of silence or verbal abuse, shouting, screaming etc etc etc …………… ladies I feel like I don’t know what is right and what is wrong any more.
He berates me for us not having a ‘regular’ intimate sex life – but doesn’t see that whenever he comes near me, it is to tell me he’s getting me ready for ‘other men’, that he wants me to go out, find other men, have sex with them and then return to him ………. I can’t, I won’t, it’s wrong – isn’t it? so now whilst I am laying in bed next to him, he pleasures himself ……….. is that right ? But I am the bad guy, not fulfiling my duties, not being a good woman ?
I just feel sick all the time, I don’t know where I’m going anymore or what to do ………… I feel so pathetic ……………..
Just feel sick all the time.
Never know what mood he’ll be in when I get home from work (he isn’t working and hasn’t done for nearly [detail removed by Moderator] years) – he brings home no money but thinks nothing of spending over £30 in the off licence on two bottles of wine (which I only discovered when I checked the bank account) ………………

[Ariel]

Why does he want you to have sex with other men? Is it so it justifies him having sex with other women?
From reading this I say he has a lot of issues and hidden fantasies.
Have you spoken to womens aid about this.
You should never feel pressured into having sex with anyone and that includes your own husband/partner.
My love you don’t need to feel this way.
In one way we have a long life and to spend it with someone who clearly has no respect would be wasted xxxxx have a think of you want to live this way, there is always a way out. I never ever thought I’d be free. I honestly accepted that this was my life but I got out. You can too……….

[gettingtired]

Mine hasn’t worked for a few years either, he has poor money management and like yours, wouldn’t think twice about spending money on wine then asking someone else for more if he’s used all of his own money.
You should never feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. Mine has bullied me before if he wants to but I don’t. They really are terrible people x

[Rainydays]

Thank you Ariel – I just get so overwhelmed I think it is – he seems to get some ‘satisfaction’ from that desire for me to be intimate with strange men, which just repulses me and then instead of ‘wanting’ me as me, he satisfies himself whilst I am laying next to him.
I don’t know where to go next and feel so stressed, confused with his next and continual demands – nothing I do, say, am is good enough for him ….

[Ariel]

Oh I really do feel for you. I woke up once and my other half who I’m with now was doing that to himself watching porn. I couldn’t understand if you have someone in your bed why would you want to do it to yourself instead. I felt like I’m obviously not attractive enough for him.
Is he the type of person who you can talk to. So could you say “why do you do that when you have me” or however you would say it in your way. He doesn’t sound stable to me, be careful xxxxxxx

[maddog]

Oh Rainydays, it sounds absolutely horrible and not consensual at all. My ex used to do the same. I used to wonder if I could leave and do something else. I wasn’t in any way part of it.

Please speak to Rape Crisis. It’s really hard to accept and understand rape and sexual assault when we’ve become so accustomed to it. Your partner is using you as a tool to satisfy himself. To him, you’re no more than an accessory. There’s headless, limbless toy full of holes for sale on a well known market place. I felt like that thing with my ex husband.

Women’s Aid should also be able to help you.

This isn’t you. It’s him.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Rainydays

this isn’t as unusual as we would initially think. Its someone who can’t do intimacy, and once they get to know a partner emotionally and psychologically, they can’t let themselves go that next step and be fully vulnerable to that person, so they have this vile disconnect and prefer to ‘own’ you, pass you around, ‘give’ you to other men. Its so perverse and psychopathic I reckon.

No wonder you feel this way, and no, why should you expose yourself to such risky situations. No reason. Having sex with men who you do not know? Bizarre.

Keep yourself safe, and as for having to lay there whilst he gets off on his own right next to you, ugh! gross, and very strange that he can do that, but he’s not the only one, nor is he the first to be porn addicted, which will affect his ability to connect to a real woman lying in the bed next to him. I don’t think men realise the very real changes made to their sexual responses by porn. He has a porn addled brain from the sound of it.

I hope you don’t ever feel you have to expose yourself this way to anyone ever again x

warmest wishes

ts

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