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    • #137261
      anotherlife
      Participant

      This could be a long post but I don’t know where to start. My ex has been gone for a few years now, what appears to sometimes be a power struggle with my daughter, now just feels like the abuser is back. Is she struggling underneath, is it hormones & age, is it needing some control, does she think she can do whatever the heck she wants…..
      I’m finding it so very hard.
      I’d like to ask who else felt this way and does it ever settle/get better. I just don’t see any way of it improving and every day is such a struggle. I feel just as trapped as I did when he was being nasty. Any help at all? Thank you ladies đź’—

    • #137262
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi anotherlife

      Remember the terrible two’s? I’d say its the terrible twos with knobs on, and all the bells and whistles!

      Its harder to go through puberty when you’ve been abused, and you are the safe one to raille against.

      She will be challenging her boundaries and yours all over again, but has learnt ways of behaving from her abuser, and it will have made her struggle in her emotional development because fear blocks so much natural exuberance and expression.

      Try to keep doing things that show your support for her, but at the same time backing off for her independence, if that makes any sense!

      Like do activities together that help to bond and the whole collaborating to achieve something, something you can both enjoy, this will help her to understand the benefits that come with this, and also give her the opportunity to safely express herself when she’s struggling.

      Has she had any form of domestic abuse education? I know this can really help her find her boundaries especially when its done by other professionals that you can trust. She needs to get information from multiple sources about a path to try to stick to in terms of respecting herself and expecting respect from others and respecting others and finding outlets for her difficult emotions.

      Its such an intense time anyway, but yes, I believe it can be very much more difficult for them and you post abuse. At least the abuser is not still around as they would never be able to develop through it. Get the help you can, wherever you can to help you both manage this difficult time.

      Keep talking and posting.

      wartmest wishes

      ts

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