Is it normal…

[itmustbemesurely]

I’ve been out for (detail removed by moderator), but still struggling with so many emotions, anger, anxiety, fear, I’m jumpy, nervous and unsure of everything I do and now think maybe it wasn’t abuse, maybe I made it up, maybe it was me…maybe I am stupid, pathetic, bitter, vile and horrible.

I’ve just been described antidepressants, and have had one session of counselling….am having to move house as he lost our home and am very stressed, my son has anxiety too and getting therapy, the perpetrator however has moved on to a new woman, she is wealthy, she spoils him, he is happy and I am so overwhelmed with the sense of unfairness…and anger he put’s pictures of him and her on social media smiling and happy literally minutes after calling me a stupid (detail removed by moderator)…I guess I have to wait for the meds and counselling to do their magic but right now I am all at sea..staying strong for my children of course they never see my falter but boy is it hard..it wasn’t me was it??

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and in answer to your question, no it was not you. Absolutely 100% unequivocally not you. Everything you think about yourself are the words an abuser says to us time and time again, so when we hear it constantly we do begin to believe it. Block his Facebook pages, any social media interaction. It will only torture you. If you think back to the beginning of your relationship, at how good it was and how happy you were, that’s the face he’s showing the world, but you know that is the face of a liar.
Moving house, dealing with your son are very stressful times. Sometimes it takes a while for the brain to release memories of traumatic times because we weren’t ready. Your brain must be thinking you are strong enough to release these emotions within you. Take the anti depressants short term, they’ll help you get a handle on life, give you that extra crutch to rebalance your world.
As to any abusive texts or emails, keep them, use them in the future If you have to. You were right to readdress those men, his debts are not your responsibility. If he continues to use threatening language or behaviour, contact the police, ask for officers who know about domestic abuse. And go no contact as quickly as you can. It’s so hard seeing his new life playing out on SM fir the world to see, but it’s fake, the real him will show his face to his new partner and hopefully she’ll kick him to the kerb pronto. Look out for what’s called triangulation, where he’ll try and play the two of you against each other(kinda like fighting over him, great fir his ego, but nothing else).
Is good to read you’ve been away for that time, it’s all baby steps to getying him out of your system. We do what we do to survive, it’s all we can do.
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕

[diymum@1]

not it wasn’t you – he is abusive and living a ‘pretend life’ with this woman he wont change – he will eventually do what he did to you to her. These men tend to have very superficial relationships he dosent have the ability or emotion to love. Have you contacted WA for support and advice? also reading why does he do that by lundy Bancroft will help – these men tell us were crazy the truth is its them they don’t have a grip on reality like we do – but in classic style they turn this on us they condition us, groom us. Look up grooming and also look up how abusers especially (removed by moderator) ones use triangulation – they involve another party to back them up xx its pretty sinister and scarey but the best thing to do is go no contact with him yourself. If you have to have child contact its best to use a contact centre for handover and get a court order in place xx lun diymum xx

[itmustbemesurely]

thanks so much, you know how it is to doubt yourself to such an extent you don’t believe what actually happened…I know too he is ‘love bombing’ this woman, it’s text book – enjoying all the things she does and likes, her hobbies are now his hobbies, her life is now his life, he has stepped into it as he did mine. It is like a mirror image, I don’t want someone else to feel and be treated like I was, but am fearful as I know I will be portrayed as the ‘mad bitter ex-wife’ xxxx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi itmustbemesurely, have you thought of filling out a disclosure online about his treatment of you. It’s through what’s commonly known as Clare’s Law which was passed in 2017, I think. It puts him on the police radar and it can help any future partners if they feel the need to check up on him and previous relationships. How many of us would have believed his ex wife/partner if they’d tried to warn us? Probably none, but if it’s done through the police then it just gives you peace of mind one way or another if your partner has previous accusations or charges against them of abuse.
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕

[diymum@1]

you know IWMB took the words right out of my mouth – honestly what he has done to you is classic this happened to me too. looking back it was all a game but i was totally sucked in. see him for who he is and honest dont worry what he thinks – his thinking is very strange and its not normal reasoned thinking. its hard to switch how your feeling around as he will have made you feel really vulnerable. this isnt your fault the problem is he will never take responsibility or admit what hes done to you. clares law will help to protect this woman and thats acting in her best interests xx much love diy mum xx

[diymum@1]

please dont doubt yourself what hes doing is very wrong for you and your son xx the only person he is concerned with is himself xx get all the help you can keep reaching out and remember you deserve every bit of help available to you xx

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