Is it ok…..

[Jeni]

Hi all, I’m new to this forum, is it ok, is it normal to feel down even though I have been a survivor of physical and mental abuse for (detail removed by Moderator) years now. Sometimes I go through my life with no confidence and I always relate it back to my days of being bullied and where fear would totally consume me, I have never really spoke to anyone completely about this…..is that why I feel the way I do sometimes. Thank you

[KIP.]

Hi Jeni, welcome. I would strongly suggest you talk to your GP about some specialist counselling. The trauma from abuse can last a lifetime if it’s not dealt with. The ladies on the helpline on here are great if you want to talk to someone initially. If you read other posts on hear I think you will find many women feel the same. Abuse steals our confidence and self esteem. It’s hard to build them up again without help x

[White Rose]

Hi Jeni
KIP is right its not a case of the abusive relationship ends and you just go back to the old you. The effects last and creep up on you when you least expect it. I find I get stopped in my tracks sometines by a memory that crashes in and it may be something I’d forgotten about and bang I’m back there in the moment feeling vulnerable again.
If you can see your GP to talk it might be possible to arrange formal counselling if that’s what you feel will help you.
Post again if you want – sometimes telling your story to a load of faceless strangers like us can be the only way to admit to yourself it’s really happened and more importantly to be believed. The faceless strangers will remain faceless but will become friends and confidantes!
You don’t have to deal with stuff on your own.
The helpline are also amazing – if there’s no reply leave a message – it’s worth it.
Take care x*x

[Serenity]

Hi there, Jeni,

It’s perfectly understandable to feel as you do. It’s trying to change the narrative, including the one that exists in our head.

I think pushy, , dominant or manipulative people can try to assign us a role early on in our life, and we believe them. We find ourselves falling into that role in their story.

So someone may have wanted us to be their victim, their servant, and out of fear and confusion we become acquiescent. We can then carry on in that role, based on a fearfulness, during our adult lives, in other situations. The fear we felt in our early days never truly leaves us. We can find ourselves repeating patterns.

Counselling really helped me. My counsellor wanted to go right back to my childhood, to confront the erroneous truths I had told myself, to challenge the idea of myself that I had held onto for all these years.

For example, I had told myself that my role was to pacify my family; to always put their needs first at the expense of important needs of my own; to put certain members of my family on a pedestal and to think of them as stringer than myself, and their opinions as somehow being more important than what my own gut and inherent wisdom was telling me. I realised that I had been pushed around for most of my life without me realising it, and that I had not given myself the credit that I was due.

I totally advise counselling. It could help you to piece things together, going back to your childhood;to see the wrong stories you have believed and that you’ve told yourself about yourself! Talking things out is so important, so that we can process things and move on. x

[Author]

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