16th August 2021 at 9:26 pm #130150
I am ready to leave. I’ve reached the stage I’ve got to many times before. The problem before has always been that I’ve managed to convince myself to stay. I am so worried that if I don’t move soon I will change my mind, convince myself it’s fine and all in my head.
I’m looking to rent private accommodation but I know that this can be a long process and I don’t think I can do that while staying here. I don’t live near family or friends, or no one close enough I could stay with.
I was thinking about whether I should (or even could as a single woman with no children) move to a refuge but honestly the thought of having to interact with other people when I feel so miserable feels so hard.
I work full time and stayed in our office building today until I got chucked out by security and then walked around the local area for ages before I plucked up the courage to go home. It’s all just so overwhelming and I’m so anxious at the moment. I know what the right decision is (to leave) but I don’t know I can make it!
16th August 2021 at 9:31 pm #130151KIP.Participant
You’re going to need support to do it. Contact your local women’s aid who can support you with accommodation advice. I remember when I would sit in the car for ages not wanting to go home. It doesn’t have to be that way. Working full time is good. Could you maybe rent a room off someone? Lots of people advertise spare rooms and you could choose someone who works too or is away a lot of the time, there isn’t a long term commitment and you’d have company but privacy too x
16th August 2021 at 9:40 pm #130155
That’s a good idea but I don’t know if there are any that would put me up for such a short time? I have a lot of furniture (a households full!) so would need somewhere for me to live alone eventually. I don’t know if I should even look into staying in a BnB somewhere too, until I get “on my feet”? I did this once before but I felt like the “odd one” because I obviously was just holed up in my room all the time as I wasn’t visiting friends or anything. They would ask me questions about why I was there, which was awkward too! Plus financially I imagine they are quite expensive at the moment with all the hiked prices. I could only afford to stay for a weekend last time.
I will look into it as maybe I will find that gem! Yes, I was passed my local WAs number tonight through the Live Chat so I will ring tomorrow and see what they say. I am going home to my parents in a few weeks time so would only need something for that long.
16th August 2021 at 9:43 pm #130156KIP.Participant
You could put your furniture into storage until you find somewhere permanent. Have you told your parents what’s going on? Abuse thrives on silence and it would be good to have their support. You have rights as a victim of domestic abuse. Have you thought about having him removed from the property using an occupation order? Have you had any legal advice?
16th August 2021 at 10:45 pm #130170
Yes that’s a good idea. I also think, or hope at least, I would find somewhere by the notice we would have to give here. But a good option if not!
Yes I’ve told my parents. I was so upset I read them all the messages he sent. It made them cry too. I’ve told them before but they always saw the good in him – maybe this, maybe that. He was tired, he was stressed, it is work. They also respected my decision when I went back and understood the excuses I made for him. I think I need something stronger and after speaking to them for hours about it now I think they understand more.
I only just read about an occupation order on here. I don’t know if I would need it though as I’m sure he would stay elsewhere if I asked (maybe not immediately). I don’t really want to talk to him to ask though and so I’d rather just leave.
I haven’t had any legal advice but hopefully when I speak to my local WA they will help.
16th August 2021 at 11:26 pm #130175EggshellsParticipant
It’s really rare for an abusive man to leave unless he’s forced out or already has another woman to go and live with.
If you’re looking to rent privately, you may need a stop gap as the rental market is flooded with potential tenants as landlords are selling up to take advantage of the housing boom.
Perhaps ask around amongst your colleagues if anyone knows of someone who could offer you a house share until you get sorted. Your stuff can go into storage for a while.
As KIP said, you’re going to need support so gather as much of it as you can and don’t be afraid to lean on people who offer you support.
If you’re struggling, please do remember that the forum is here. The ladies here have been one of my greatest sources of strength through this process. Everyone understands in a way that few others can. xx
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