Is it worth going to the police?

[Overcome]

Hi all,

I have been struggling with my decision to report the abuse this passed week. I felt like it was the right thing to do earlier and that it would serve justice to him. But I think of my children and how much trauma it would bring them should things escalate and he end up in court and in trouble with the police. On top of that it would be hard to get across what has been happening so it could end up with the case being thrown out, where would that leave me?

I know if I was on the outside looking in I would tell a friend to go for it and do the right thing (tell the police) but just feel stuck with my decision. My IDVA has advised to think things through thoroughly before making a decision as so much has happened recently that I am trying to deal with.

I just want justice and to make it heard that it really wasn’t me causing all of the upset all this time.

What has been everyone elses experience with going to police?

With love,

Overcome x x x

[Watersprite]

Hey overcome – such a personal decision only you can make it – although if dangerous to you and ongoing it may be the only way. My IDVA thought it the safest option for me. I agonised over this for a long time and chose to do it in the end. It’s not an easy path with very mixed results so far but one I don’t regret. Not sure justice and domestic ever fully go hand in hand – nothing can put what happened right. For me it was about safety for us, and protecting others and living by my own values and truth whatever the outcome. Unless there is forensic or immediate high risk you have time to consider. Hope that helps – put lots of energy and love into developing you and lean on support to process what has happened x

[Lazarus17]

I completely understand the difficulty in making this decision. I eventually reported and went thru the consequent court case etc. But initially I was only prepared to ask the police to make a record of events (until things escalated). They can keep a record without you making a statement. Obviously this may not be the case if they think children/you are high risk.

Even if there is a successful prosecution, I’m not sure you ever really get “justice”, or that everything is heard – the courts (in my opinion) want to deal with things quickly (cutting costs) so you may not feel that your story is heard. But, I didn’t see any other way to deal with my ex. I also (naively) thought my ex would understand how wrong his behaviour was if the courts highlighted it – but now understand that no matter what’s said or done, he’d never accept responsibility!

Stay strong and good luck!

[Mrsbluesky99]

Hey.. I reported to the police it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was petrified but he really left me no choice. He admitted what he’d done so I didn’t have to go which was such a relief. He was handed a suspended prison sentence and I was given a (detail removed by Moderator) year restraining order, I felt a little safer with this in place although it’s not always the case some abusers do not take lightly to this and seek revenge. It was seriously the scariest time of my life .. and the getting out was the easy part we didn’t live together thankfully .. it was the coming months the trauma all coming crashing down the horrific realisation is very hard. I wasn’t prepared.. So I would say if your planning on leaving get some sort of counselling lined up too if your able .. I almost had a breakdown. I’m doing better now so time does help.

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