30th April 2021 at 11:14 pm #125398RosemaryParticipant
Hi ladys I hope you all are okay and well.
I have some things on my mind and i need to talk reach out . For once my partner is doing someing right with paying bills on time which his never done that for some years . Even thoe his paid the Bill’s on time I am still feel num and for some reason my mind not accepting that his doing someing good I still think bad of him because all the years of been with him suffering from his abusive and behaviour I still feel anxious around him . Even thoe his calm down a little bit some times his still abuseing me I feel my partner what’s to show some good points now about him self just to prove someing or a way of showing me that he can do things right . I am not sure if he would carry on paying bills on time but I just cant ever for get all the abuse and his aggressive controling behaviour his given me over the years . It’s good his paid the Bill’s it’s just I cant accept that his doing someing good . I hope I make sense it’s hard to explain but this is really hurting me inside my heart .my mind is a mix up of all the negative things his done and said is more than positive things his done in life . His put me thought so much stress I just cant forget it . I feel my partner playing games with my mind and heart. Can abusers really change there ways or is it just they are puting a front on so we think they are good guys . I am just confused how my partner is being I cant help the num feeling I have inside after all thease years I think it will be hard just to put everything back of my mind .
30th April 2021 at 11:43 pm #125400OceanParticipant
Is you partner questioning you about why you can’t forgive or forget or get over it?
Most abusive men get frustrated that we can’t switch like them. They start acting like a decent human being, but can still be abusive just not to the extreme it can get to. And then they get angry that we don’t worship them for actions that a normal loving man would do regularly.
I don’t know about abusive men changing. They really need help to sort out their mindset before any real change can happen.
The nice side is the most confusing side for me. But if he isn’t giving you time to heal from the pain he caused, then I don’t think he has changed.
In my situation he always wanted something in return for doing things that are common in a normal situation, but seemed really generous from him due to his usual behaviour.
Not sure if that makes sense. I’m tired.
‘Why does he do that?’ By Lundy Bancroft is a really good book to help you understand what they do.
You have the right to have feelings. They try to take away our humanity.
I hope the best for you xx
1st May 2021 at 10:59 pm #125436RosemaryParticipant
Thank you for your message my partner never asked me if I can forgive or forget his behaviour. Its right what your saying my partner needs help being abusive aggressive controling behaviour he will not get help he just makes excuses all the time .
Thank you for telling me about the book I really appreciate it. That is so true what your saying that it’s right to have feelings but my partner dont like that I have feelings he dont take them in to consideration he dont listen to me or my feelings dont matter what I mean anything I say to him like how I feel or how things should be it dont matter to him it’s all about him all the time
Like he is the boss of everything only his feelings and opinions matter but mine dont .he says mine are wrong
My partner being different his not being the normal abusive man he is his being quite and not really giveing me abusive but he still go around abuseing me now and then.
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