29th November 2018 at 7:16 pm #67901
Hi guys, wasn’t very sure which board to tag this to, I’m new, first post and I’m over 50, two boards, one gripe.
Firstly, I really wish I had found Women’s Aid some years back, I know I should call my local one but I just get too emotional on the phone, I’ve resorted to writing everything, I even went into my solicitors office with it all documented.
Basically, I’m hopefully at the latter stages of separation, a saga that has lasted as long as brexit. Looking back over my marriage I see that the abuse started after my daughter was born, she is now a student.
My gripe is, I feel my solicitor isn’t fully supportive of the situation and if anyone had any pointers on “the role of your solicitor” or “what to expect” in a domestic abuse /separation proceeding I would be grateful.
I was told not to leave the matrimonial home but lately it is affecting the health of my daughter but that doesn’t seem to make any difference to my OH or his solicitor. I have plans for me & the kids to move out, I have done for 2 months but financially I need the moveable assets freed up, once again, I wait.
I feel its bad enough having the psychological abuse of my OH on a daily basis, but having to wait for solicitors to make a decision (usually 5weeks every time) is just as damaging. I’m under Scottish law system.
29th November 2018 at 7:36 pm #67904KIP.Participant
Do you have evidence of his abusive behaviour and the distress he is causing? Have you spoken to your solicitor about an occupation order where he has to leave the house until it’s sold or finances sorted through court? A non harrassment order could be another option. I had to almost bully my solicitor to get her to put a time limit on his replies. So eventually she would say you have x days to reply to this. Also if he’s dragging it out you could ask him to pay your legal fees. Meantime living with an abuser during a divorce is a nightmare and dangerous. I only lasted a very short time before he got violent and was arrested. The Scottish women’s rights centre offer free legal advice over the phone. Is there any way you can move out and use credit cards meantime. Let him know you will be expecting a larger share because you had to leave. Have you spoken to your local housing. They have a duty to rehome you if you’re suffering domestic abuse. I changed solicitors as my first one was useless. You can get a free session with other solicitors and see what you think. Ask around for recommendations from women’s aid. While he’s sitting pretty and continues to abuse you, which gives him a sense of power, he’s in no rush to go anywhere x
29th November 2018 at 7:38 pm #67905KIP.Participant
Sorry, I should have said 👋 hello, and welcome x
29th November 2018 at 8:15 pm #67908
Hi Kip👋 an occupation order sounds like something to investigate as the thought of Christmas looming is a frightening one, he was never the best of company at Christmas when we “were happy”. Thankfully I have my family behind me and will be spending a couple of days with them.
I did approach my solicitor with text messages, voice recordings and photographs of harassment but she basically said it was my word versus his. I find it very frustrating to read media reports of similar issues that have been listened too, while my solicitor seems to brush it under the carpet.
I hope this post is a help to someone i.e. Find a good solicitor.
29th November 2018 at 8:28 pm #67909IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there and failte, in Scots law you need an interim exclusion order which is given by a judge with evidence provided by your doctor (have you been to them and told them about your situation,)plus 2 statements, yours and someone else’s who have been witness to the abuse. When the divorce is because of DA, cohabiting is not advised. It is not good for your health or your child’s.
Don’t listen to anything he says as to his rights via what his solicitor says he’ll be trying to con you out of as much as he can.
As KIP says, he’s in no rush to go anywhere. And the council have a duty of care for you too, especially as there are young ones involved. 💜b
Maybe one day there will be a step by step booklet on how to leave an abuser, who to contact when one line of enquiry closes down. What benefits would be available to you when you leave, not having to wait til you’ve left to find that out.
Best wishes and keep posting.
29th November 2018 at 8:46 pm #67912
Thanks IWMB, as I thought it’s one of those cases where a judge would say “I’m too strong” as I haven’t been to the doctors recently did all that years ago when I had sciatica, depression and referred to a consultant with a stress lump in my throat, since then I’ve maintained my fitness as I know that stress is a killer. I’ve had the “light, no marks left” physical abuse in the past, but nothing I would waste police time on.
Thanks for your help ladies, it just gets so frustrating at times.
29th November 2018 at 9:04 pm #67915IwantmebackParticipant
Hi Halfwayout, aye i get what you mean.😠 “she can’t be that abused, she can be articulate and not get emotional at all. But there are many judges out there who are on our side even when we are articulate and seemingly emotionless. If you think off it logically, these people deal in facts, because many of us are emotional it makes their job harder separating what is fact, if you get what i mean. An abuser will always trip themselves up in court, because they have to win at any cost but if you stick to the facts, dates,times,incidents the facts can’t be discounted.
Keep up with the self love, you have a fight on your hands💜
30th November 2018 at 12:51 pm #67936
Your absolute right IWMB, I reckon I’ve had that look from my solicitor and then the few occasions I’ve walked in a snotty faced wreck she’s been more in tune. Thanks for the light bulb moment.
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