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    • #130788
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I’m really struggling and feeling really low today.

      I’ve just finished a temporary contract. I wasn’t offered a permanent position because I just didn’t get on with my direct line manager. He had very strong narc traits and was do much like my ex. I refused to join in with all his bitching about other members of staff and I was scared of him. Where other colleagues coped with him, I couldn’t.

      Last week I applied to a (detail removed by moderator) and they phoned me straight back with a potential job. They really talked it up and it felt like the job was a done deal. The sent off for references (which they won’t have had back yet) and I filled out all of the paperwork. I had to declared my PTSD (because I have EMDR sessions booked that would affect my working hours) and all of a sudden they are “managing my expectations”.

      I am sure that there are laws to prevent this type of discrimination but I have no proof that it is the PTSD that is making them drop me.

      Has anyone else had similar issues please and if so, how did you get around them?

    • #130790
      iliketea
      Participant

      No direct experience, but would have thought it wasn’t legal. Unfortunately its very hard to get beyond this type of discrimination when you’re not already within the organisation. I’m sorry this has happened. Could you say ongoing dental work, or something else like that? “Womens Issues”. Or just don’t explain. Get the job then tell them. I think that would then be discrimination if they then said you couldn’t go to a medical appointment, It could be for anything, you don’t have to divulge medical info.
      Don’t give up, there will be a better, more decent, empathetic, kinder company around the corner.
      Maybe there is a search criteria for those sorts of organisations? Women run, ethical, that sort of thing? Might be worth looking. Sometimes I’ve learnt, the system is just too big to change, and in the end you have to make it work for you, as a form of self care, self love and protection from this sort of rubbish.
      Cup of tea and keep going, sending a hug,
      xx

    • #130791
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Hi Eggshells,

      Sorry to read you’re having a c**p day today.

      You know what though? That temporary contract you have just finished clearly wasn’t the right job for you because the people you were working with would have just brought you down. You clearly identified this yourself and you weren’t prepared to change who you are to ‘fit in’.

      With the new job you have just applied for, have you actually had confirmation you haven’t got it yet, or do you suspect that you won’t get it because they are ‘managing your expectations’?

      The Equality Act 2010 does mean it is unlawful not to consider someone for employment based on 9 Protected Characteristics, one of which is Disability. I’m not sure if PTSD is classed as a disability or an illness though.

      Sometimes, after an abusive relationship we are so used to feeling or believing that we are of no value that we take every comment we get as a negative and use it to beat ourselves up with. Some businesses are Investors In People and will value their employees ‘warts and all’! Others are just interested in making money.

      Is it possible that the agency have seen your comments about PTSD and are giving you some extra feedback at this stage as a consideration of your PTSD? Could it be a positive thing they are trying to do rather than a negative?

      I do agree that if this particular job does not get offered to you then it would be very hard to prove that it is because of your declaration. Your openness and honesty is admirable, but perhaps sometimes we have to learn that honesty is not always the best policy. Perhaps, going forward, it may be something not to declare at the point of application but to declare once you have the job, and even then, not declare exactly what it is. You could always tell HR once you are in a role that you have a health issue where you are currently having ongoing treatment and will need appointments during work time every so often. It will be harder for them to legally dismiss you once they have taken you on than it is to not employ you in the first place.

      If you don’t get offered the job, it is very unlikely they will tell you it is your declaration of PTSD that was the reason, so to challenge it on this basis would mean you seeking legal advice and pursuing some civil action against them. Is that something you feel up to?

      Fingers crossed your references will come back great and they will see that you ARE the person for the job and you will get an offer soon xx

    • #130803
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Ladies

      No I haven’t had confirmation of anything but the job is time critical, ie I’d need to start tomorrow, so I think it’s pretty much over.

      I think you’re right, honesty is not going to be the best policy here. Having been lied to so much by my ex, it really goes against the grain to be lying.

      The way the agency worked, there was no option but to fill out the questionnaire and pay for a DBS before I got the job.

      I’m living with my parents atm. My Mum is a narc and she just couldn’t help making this all about her. I’m afraid I had a go at her about it.

      I’m currently keeping out of the house.

      It’s amazing isn’t it, people are quite happy to employ abusers and rapist even when they know what he has done but they won’t touch the victims with a bargepole.

      What a messed up world we live in.

    • #130808
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      Oh Eggshells I’m so sorry I knew you were very excited about this new potential position. It’s is totally unfair!

      If you’re avoiding the house, are you keeping safe?

    • #130810
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Yes thanks hon. I’ll pm you.

    • #130842
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I was premature in thinking the worst. I start work (detail removed by moderator).

      • #130850
        Wants To Help
        Participant

        That’s brilliant news, so happy for you 🙂

    • #130843
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      Oh that’s great news Eggshells!

      Your post raises a really good point though. The fact that you thought you might be being discriminated against just shows how survivors expect to be treated. It’s really sad that you had to go through that and I’m sure there are other cases where it is used against people.

      I think it’s a real shame that we don’t feel safe to share our stories. I work somewhere that really emphasises wellbeing and I know that according to company policy, I would not be penalised for sharing my story. In fact I’d probably be rewarded. But I still think that individual opinions don’t reflect company culture and I’d be put in a victim box by most people. I just can’t help but think that there would be subtle negative consequences of sharing my story, not thought malice, but from the whole ‘why didn’t she just leave?’, ‘well that wouldn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t put up with it, she must be weak’. xxxx

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