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    • #90312
      thepoppygirl
      Participant

      This time around I’m villgant. I notice the red flags. There is just a few but it is still early on. Is there anything I can do so the relationship is healthy. Or will the red flags definitely develop and become bigger? Can anything still be done? Separate counselling? Or talking or setting boundaries? Is there any hope for this relationship?

    • #90314
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Hi Poppy, what are the red flags you’ve noticed? x

      • #90317
        thepoppygirl
        Participant

        It’s probably too specify so it will get moderated. But I posted on here before about his jokes being aggressive. He disrespected my lack of consent in sexual situation. While being mad at me for something, I tried to sit on the bed and he said (detail removed by moderator) told me I was opinionated because I said I wouldn’t given up a child for adoption if I accidentally got pregnant. Just stuff like that really.

         

    • #90332
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Sounds an odd conversation to have – but then maybe not when in the full context?

      I noticed that his humour was actually the tip of the iceberg later, I never liked his dark, twisted, p taking, laughing at when people when they are down or feel humilated etc; sick humour, but I accepted this was just who he is and that we laugh at different things. It’s only now years later (and being out), that I can see this was really quite telling and the first tell tale sign (only because I’m years down the line mind). The lack of respect for others or anyone in his humour was also how he is in life – he knew that this was socially unacceptable and so he would only reveal his humour to me and close friends (friends who also shared this humour) although I remember even some of them saying things like no, you cant say that, that’s terrible etc -sometimes.

      I remember watching a film one night with him and in the (detail removed by moderator) I was horrified and he found it hilarious, I asked what is funny? He said nothing. I said please explain to me what you are laughing at, again nothing. I said I’m going to bed I don’t want to watch this. At the time it disturbed me; later now I can see it was because he is a mysogynist who finds it funny when women are denegrated.

      I think you need to trust your gut flower. If it doesn’t feel right or it leaves you feeling uncomfortable then it’s not right for you is it. This isn’t a compromise or one of those times where you accept we’re different; this is troubling you – your self saying I’m not happy with this. You dont feel these feelings at all do you when with a kind, loving, respectful person x

       

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