Is there something wrong with me

[Chocs]

I am starting to think that there is something wrong with me. I hate how forgiving I am; how I always turn a blind eye on alarming situations all in the name of love. I find myself asking this question now- “what has love ever done for me?”
When I think of love I think about my family-my mother staying by my side in the hospital for 14 hours a day, every single day for (timeframe removed by Moderator) weeks . I had major surgery; my life did a complete 180 degrees and I had to relearn everything. She was there the entire time and gave me hope when I had nothing.
What confuses me is the difference in treatment I received from someone else who loves me. Immediately after waking up from surgery I had morphine being pumped into my veins at 5 minute intervals. I was tired and I couldn’t stay awake for more than 10 minutes. I couldn’t focus my eyes or keep my hands steady; still on day (timeframe removed by Moderator) post op I wake up to a message asking why am I not texting back fast enough and how it was giving him anxiety. He then went on to ask me if I had found someone else. I couldn’t believe my eyes… he knew how hard it was for me and of the nature of my surgery.

It then went on to (timeframe removed by Moderator) weeks post surgery. On his home visits, he would always start arguments with me. He would shove me, grab me and forcefully cover my mouth to make me shut up. I was still very early in recovery, I couldn’t walk well or even bathe myself on my own. He did all those things to me knowing that. He pushed me to my limit- to a point where i was shaking from pain and too weak to stand up.

A sane human being would never turn a blind eye to someone willfully putting their life at risk and jeopardizing their health, still I stayed. Why? What is wrong with me?

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Your story is so touching and so real, Thankyou for posting it. It’s difficult to reply to because you make the point so well, it doesn’t  really need anything added.
The difference between people who know how to love and have empathy and compassion, and those who don’t and only see others as objects to be used is stark.
You have seen the reality of that.

I think there can be many reasons why we find ourselves victims of these people and at no point is it really helpful to blame ourselves for that, unless, of course, we need a bit of self blame to motivate us to get away from them.
The reasons are complex as you how we get caught in these relationships,  but my own feeling is that often we underestimate how much damage they will do to us. We think we understand them and have it under control and can help them. We’re wrong about that and will find it out sooner or later. The other reason we can stay is that we see them as damaged people who we can help. Love will cure them in some way. To understand that people with very little empathy move among us and can disguise themselves VERY well as normal people  is something that we only find out in time and, often with the help of others, experts and people who have been in these relationships and survived and people who have worked in this field or studied these kind of personalities. Sometimes people do have empathy but just realize there’s a lot to be gained for them by being abusive.
Either way. Please don’t blame yourself for being normal, trusting and giving people the benefit of the doubt. That they don’t deserve that isn’t your fault.

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