Is this a break through ?!

[Sunshines]

So I’ve been back and fourth constantly to an abusive partner despite the situations I’ve been in and no matter how much he has insulted me and belittled me.
And today I completely rejected him
I looked at him in a light I haven’t ever before the thought of having sex with him repulsed me.
And all the things he had said and done to me started running through my head.
The dogs life I have been served daily, weekly and hourly.
I’ve started to realise he will treat every single woman he meets like he has me. No matter what I say or do it will never be good enough.
I’ve always toyed with the idea of changing him making him a better person
And today I didn’t want that no more. I wanted to accept what he is and what he has become to me.
The way he has made me feel and how wrong and traumatic the entire experience has been

This is a question for ladies who have completely escaped their former partners

Is this the beginning of my ending ?
Is this the beginning of me no longer wanting anything from this man ? Any change or reconciliation? Is this me starting to mentally move on?

[KIP.]

It sounds like the rose tinted glasses are well and truly off. It’s easy to be hooked back in by their manipulation so the test will be if you can go absolutely zero contact and stick to it. But a huge turning point is recognising and accepting he is deliberately abusing you and won’t change. Time to run for the hills and don’t look back.

[Sunshines]

Yes I’ve often wondered are they making a conscious decision to abuse or are they naturally like that

Thank you for your guidance Kip I’m going to try my hardest x*x

[KillingMeSlowly]

I don’t know if you’ve read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft, but if not then I highly recommend it. I’m reading through it now after reading some of it last year.

He talks about whether abusive men are making conscious decisions to behave like that/abuse someone or whether it is just part of their nature.

I’ve been and am in a situation where I had the realisation you’ve had… that no woman would ever be good enough for him or meet his expectations/standards because he wants a perfect woman and no woman is perfect… by that I mean what he wants is akin to if you could create a woman from a recipe or list of desires. A fantasy, not a reality. A woman who never does any wrong nor let’s him down in any way.

I also thought I could change him. I think I lost that notion when I looked back at his life and how far along he was, repeating the same behaviour patterns and choices. Only he could or can change himself and he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him. He thinks it’s everyone else, or especially me, who is the problem.

There came a point when I finally realised and noticed that no matter how much he apologised for hurting me and that he’d never do it again, he always did. He also always managed to twist the blame round on me… so it was my fault for causing him to do it. At that point I realised I have to get out eventually because he is never going to change.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Sunshines

I’d say its very hard to close your eyes to it again once you’ve truly seen it. Once the scales fall from you eyes you are on your way, your perception of him has shifted, and you are looking at him with new eyes now, he will try to manipulate and cajole/coerce you back, maybe lovebomb, become the ‘changes’ you so want to see, and that could lure you back in, but, those are just other abuses to manipulate you.

The danger comes when he realises the change in you, so go carefully, and try to keep up the pretence as much as is reasonable, I mean to avoid further conflict and escalation once he realises you are slipping out of his control.

warmest wishes ts

[Bananaboat]

My rose tinted glasses fell off a few months ago and now I can’t unsee his behaviour, I recognise the Love bombing and manipulation to try win we back and no longer trust a word he says. This is all helping me to slowly but surely move forward and out. There are hard days, but then he’ll do something or not do something you’d expect and I come back to reality. Once this switch has happened I don’t think we can go back and it’s the beginning of a new chapter, good luck

[Author]

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