This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Coolbreeze 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #97645
     Anonymous

    Hi, I am new on here & am in such a dilemma. For (removed by moderator) years, I have been in a relationship with a man of a different nationality (from Eastern Europe). It started off very passionate & I have visited his country several times & met his close relatives. We moved in together very quickly,starting off in a room as I was going through a divorce & didn’t have enough money to rent a home. During this time,he showed aspects of controlling behaviour, scolding me for ‘being emotional (I had periods where I felt low) & I sulting me if I cried, calling me a baby etc. I was struggling financially& he said I couldn’t go on holiday with him if I didn’t have enough money. A year later, my divorce settlement was awarded & I was able to rent a flat which needed a second bedroom for my adult son to come to stay (he has a learning disability & is living in a supported living flat. My partner refused to contribute halfway,even though he was earning more than me & I ended up paying rent in advance to secure the home. I have stayed with him because I love him & really wanted to make this work. We have really good times but, if I dare to voice anything that I feel unhappy about eg finances (reasonably), he gets defensive & says ‘Go back to your ex if you are unhappy or find a rich man’& the insults start. He is well educated but is held back by his language- this results I him being frustrated at work. There is more I could say but it would take too long.

  • #97646
     Anonymous

    Basically, is this emotional and/or financial abuse? I have paid for two holidays & many other things. He cleans & cooks for me & is really affectionate at times but can be so horrible when I ‘annoy’ him. There is no physical abuse (he abhors it & he doesn’t drink as he has seen the damage that causes). He has never married or had children & he is not verbally abusive to my son. I tell myself that maybe I am overreacting as I have suffered from anxiety & depression on & off for several years. We have several things in common despite our different nationalities and, despite the problems, Ivannot imagine myself with anyone else but I feel uneasy &, at times, confused.

  • #99737
     Coolbreeze 
    Participant

    Hi I hope you’re able to get some other support and feedback in the meantime.
    To me, this sounds very controlling. Not being able to discuss finances which is a normal part of any relationship, family, friends, employer, is not a good thing let alone with a partner.
    It’s easy to make excuses but the facts are what they are. He is an adult, he has choices. He has no right to insult you.
    I’m sorry but this man does not sound like he even knows how what a normal healthy relationship means.
    Please take care of yourself and your son.

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