Is this gaslighting

[HeasvHeart]

I apologise if this sounds trivial but I need to check if I am being over sensitive or acutely aware.
A (detail removed by Moderator) machine requires water and I am picked up for running it below the minimum water requirement. I’m a bit confused as I always check it before I use it and just think that’s what everyone else who uses it would do too. Anyway, I’m made to feel like I should never use it when the water is below a certain level and like I have done something wrong….I accept this and make sure I’m always checking it, only to discover there is no minimum level.
I know this sounds small and there is much worse happening on here but I’m in the grey area of separate or try again and I know that when I am away my mind is clearer but I’m not sure if I am being too sensitive.
As always there is a justification for making me feel this way and I’m being made to look and feel like I am arguing over a (detail removed by Moderator) machine.
Even writing this down I’m feeling a bit silly but I am going to post anyway as at least I’ll get honest views, even if it is to tell me to chill out.
Xx

[fizzylem]

Gaslighting is manipulating you psychologically and emotionally; it sounds to me that you feel you are being manipulated – trust your gut, it rarely if ever lets you down. Type gaslighting into the forum search – there will be hundreds of posts for you to read. Good luck. Keep posting. FL. x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi💞, and yes this is an example of gaslighting. The things they do ARE trivial, that’s why we doubt ourselves. Mine was always moving my car keys. Since I’ve attached my door key they are always where I leave them, in the door! It’s moving your shoes or clothes, or taking money out of your purse, or hiding something only for you to find it weeks later, in a place that you know you’d not put it. Doubting your reality and sleepy believing their version of it, that’s gaslighting. Once you see it, you’ll recognise the signs. There’s always a slight smirk on their face, when I saw it I mistook it for being a joke,. I had a little meltdown last week as I saw a tv character do the smirk, and I so nearly ran out of the house.
Its not just about being aware of being abused, it’s having the courage to say i dont want to be with you anymore. Look up trauma bonding too. Knowing doesn’t make leaving any easier and it certainly doesn’t make living with them easier either.
Life with an abuser is s..t. it takes away your self esteem, your ability to make decisions, to be with people, to function on a daily basis, from getting up, showering, dressing, eating good food. It takes courage to face our fears.
IWMB 💕💕

[Flowerchild]

Oh that smirk! I know it well. Of course if it’s a machine you MUST be using it wrongly – according to the abuser.

If it made your (detail removed by Moderator) OK, there was enough water, right? If he wants to use it, he can check the water level just like you – he’s an adult.

By inventing a minimum level that isn’t marked, he’s changing the rules as he goes along just to find fault, I think. I call that living in s****r alley – whatever you do, someone is watching and carping from the sidelines. If nothing else, it’s exhausting for the recipient and makes the ‘s****r’ deeply unattractive, like a nasty boss with nothing better to do than watch and wait for you to make a mistake.

It would be gaslighting if you filled it ready to use and he emptied it while you weren’t looking and blamed you for forgetting!

I think it’s a weird compliment, really. If he’s having to invent faults to criticise you for, you must be practically perfect, mustn’t you?!😉

Flower x

[HeasvHeart]

Thanks so much ladies.
I felt bad writing it as I know it could and has been much worse.
It’s just an example of the tiny things that I never used to notice really, but now I feel it’s all part of making me feel like I’ve done something (else) wrong.
I get annoyed with myself because I took his word for it, apologised and made sure I kept it topped up. Maybe in a normal relationship this is just normal couple annoyance but when it’s all added up it looks more sinister.
I hope you lovely ladies all have a great day – big hugs x

[WhichWayIsUp]

Absolutely it is, and that’s the very clever thing about these men. They choose a million different tiny things, so that if you spoke to someone who hadn’t been through it, they’d think you were just over-reacting or making a fuss. But there’s a difference between an argument about whose turn it is to put the bins out (which happens in all normal relationships) and a “I see you haven’t put the bin out… I can’t remember, was it my turn, or yours?” which makes your soul run and hide. On paper they sound the same, but they’re really not. And if you’re feeling a certain type of way: trust it. x

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