Is this my problem?

[survivorabuse]

Hi all

I was supposed to be taking the kids to (detail removed by moderator) and I don’t want to risk going abroad at this time. Instead I have arranged to take them in England for a week away. I have found out my ex is planning to take them away (detail removed by moderator) after we get back, also in the UK. I really don’t want them to go away with him. I know he’s not going to hurt them. I am thinking is it because I am jealous of the thought that he’s going to give them a better time than me or something else

Selfish I am

[Wants To Help]

I don’t think it’s a problem as such, it’s just that you are having to learn to deal with a new situation that you have not experienced before and you are nervous about it.

If you have not been apart from your children for long period of times before then it is a very mixed bag of emotions when they go away to be with the other parent, especially for holidays. Usually, holidays will have been a joint family affair (even if those holidays with our abusers have been a nightmare) and we are able to enjoy and be a part of our children’s experiences on holidays, see their delight and enjoyment as they may do things for the first time. We know what they have done each day and we have been a part of that mile stone and have them in our memories.

When my son first went to spend (detail removed by moderator) with his Dad after we had separated I was a complete wreck. I’d never been apart from him for that long before and I knew there would be so many experiences he would be having that I wouldn’t be there for, but it was out of my control and I had to live with it. As the years went by it got easier for me to deal with. My ex would not allow my son to have regular contact with me when he had him and I found this very hard to deal with, but again, it was something I had to get used to.

All you can do is make your holiday with the children as happy and pleasant as you can and make some lovely memories. If our ex;s can do the same with them, then really, that is in the best interests of our children and we have to be happy with that. This isn’t about outdoing each other to see who can give the best holiday; if we start to think of it in a competitive way like that then we are approaching it wrong.

It’s so hard to let go and relinquish some of our control over our children, but if you know your ex is not going to harm them then wish them a happy holiday and hope that for their sake, it really is one.

[Greented99]

Im at that early stage too.

Im struggling coz he NEVER wanted to do anything alone with the oldest or as a family and youngest was only (detail removed by Moderator) old when he left and he wasnt interested in him either.

Now only (detail removed by Moderator) after the split hes taking my eldest off with the other woman and her kids – loudly telling me through her what theyre doing. It breaks my heart that i cant share every memory with her and hes robbing me of this not to make her happy but to make me sad.

Theres nothing i can do though, i just have to hope that whatever his motives he makes it enjoyable enough so my babies have good memories. Still feels s**t for me though.

I totally feel you x

[Author]

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