Is this normal to feel

[Lettitgo]

So I separated from my husband (removed by moderator) long relationship I’m alot younger….after months of being made to feel rubbish, he became dependent on me financially and in every way really right down to texting me at work to say we have no milk!! He always made jokes about me (driving cooking etc) in public!! Was ALWAYS right,never physically hurt me….would call me stupid erc when angry… as I became more independent in my life and career which I worked hard for….I was made to feel guilty (I think this made him insecure) phrases such as ….you couldn’t of done it without me ….. you only think of yourself….(we have 2 kids that I was making a life for) was jealous of time I doent with them…what about me when do we spend time together! When i tried to end it he threatened suicide (which was my fault i can explain to the kids) i backed down….he then claimed he had depression and I was the only one who could fix it, without me life was pointless! (detail removed by moderator) i found the courage to end it….he moved out (i had to pay him) i then moved ….parting text was ‘ I want you to be happy …..because only then can I truly destroy everything! I had the best of you, it’s just leftovers now..looking back I now see this as emotional abuse?? And although I’m a massively strong person I feel its affected me probably more than I realised….hes still trying to control me through social media (though on statuses not naming me directly)… which I feel is emotional abuse on our children who read what he puts hes also abandoned the kids, doesn’t communicate at all…which has had a detrimental affect on them… I have got a new relationship which he will try to destroy (maybe succeed) but now I find myself thinking am I good enough …and questioning myself is this normal does it ever go away?? I always thought I’m ok I dont need support but actually I think I do x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi and welcome to the forum.breaking off an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do, so well done in doing that. I used to be accused of being selfish send only thinking of myself too, yet I did everything for him, he had only to go to work. I paid all the bills, did the shopping etc etc. They’re so good at stripping away our self confidence, you are not stupid, those are just his words. I’m not sure if it’ll ever go away, I was with my oh for well over 2 decades, so there’s a lot of his beliefs and points of view that I’ll have to really look at to see if they are mine or if I’ve taken them on from him. There’s nothing wrong with having support, reaching out. These men stopped our support networks in whatever way they could, without them we didn’t see the subtleties of abusive behaviour, the mind games they played. My oh has since threatened suicide, in order to get me back. He’s used 3rd party to get me to phone him to check he’s okay, I didn’t. These are flying monkey, some people knowingly work on their behalf, some don’t, but you’ll know them. Keep posting and reading others posts, knowledge truly is power
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Lettitgo]

Thank you….yes we were just under 2 decades I was just about an adult when we got married so was easily controlled and moulded….it was when he lost control of me it started to change. And after so long they know you and how to get to you dont they. I dont respond to any of his childish behaviour. Our energy is better channelled into life now xx

[Author]

Posts