Is Trial Seperation worth it?

[dancing in the rain]

My husband has suggested that he could move out for (detail removed by moderator) months while we work out whether we want to stay together. Does anyone have any experience of this? It feels like a good way to get some space to think more clearly without taking the plunge straight away. It could give the children time to get used to the idea??

[KIP.]

Do it and do it quickly. Getting him out is really difficult. Be prepared because he may well be bluffing so when you say yes, he will twist it and use it against you. My ex moved out for a trial separation and quickly became husband of the year. This was before I knew anything about domestic abuse. The cycle of abuse etc. I’m quite sure he used that time to love bomb me and also sleep with other women. I let him move back after a few months and the abuse started again worse than ever. If you can get him out as a means to change the locks and begin separation then I’d jump at this. He will never ever change and you can bet he has a very good reason for suggesting this. My bet is to catch you out. He’s going nowhere x tread carefully x

[Hetty]

As KIP said he might be calling your bluff. My partner once said he’d move out but he was lying. If he does go it’ll give you some discs. My partner went away to work and it gave me much needed head space and recovery time. Be careful. Have you sought any advice from local DA services?

[Hetty]

Space not discs

[dancing in the rain]

Thanks both. I haven’t had advice from local DA but I did get some advice from the web about setting a timescale and “rules” For the separation. I have wondered myself whether he is calling my bluff. He has threatened to leave so many times….. I do think it could be the way to give me some headspace so I’m going to try and make it happen.

[Tiffany]

It’s definitely a good step towards getting out, although with my experience of a trial separation from an abuser (I set (detail removed by moderator) months with seeing him every weekend, and in my head knew I was going to need twice that at least) I would agree to whatever terms he suggests, and then change the locks when he moves out and tell him it is over permanently. I hadn’t realised that I was experiencing domestic abuse when I left and thoughts and space might improve things between us. I now know that nothing can improve things with an abuser and that the only solution is to get out. It took me less than my initial agreed period of separation to realise the relationship was unfixable and end things. If you are the one moving out do not give him your new address.

[Hetty]

Use your time wisely if you get him out. I’d definitely recommend seeking some professional advice. Are you going to be able to stay in the house if it becomes permanent and think about any safety measures you might need to put into place if he is not happy with any decisions you might then make about making it permanent. Stay strong

[KIP.]

Abusers don’t do “rules”. It doesn’t exist in their vocabulary so I wouldn’t waste my time x

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