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Tonight I took something that didn’t belong to me. It was something very small, akin to pinching a drop of milk from the fridge that didn’t belong to you. When I did it I felt bad and guilty. I remember this happening before and I told my ex what I had done and how guilty I had felt. I remember him telling me in detail how to perform deceit and get away with it. This must have been a time where he was not monitoring his words with me. He told me the key is to act completely normal and natural, whilst performing the deceptive act. As most people when looking out for deception are looking for shifty, hidden and blatant inconsistencies. If the deceptive person is acting normal and natural they are likely to be overlooked.
My ex was calm, cool and collected. He was also a con man, a liar and I think I was lucky to just scratch the surface with him. Does anybody else have any examples of when they lie or deceive? -
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HA,
It’s so disconcerting they your ex actually coached you on how to deceive. You were allowed to see into the mind of a manipulator. And how horrid it is.
What makes me laugh is that these manipulator assume that everyone else is stupid and less intelligent than them, completely gullible. Yes, there are people who think the beatbox people, trust them and project their own goodness on to others, expecting decency from them, and they then have a nasty surprise ( us included); but what they don’t get is that they are not completely impenetrable: people soon get a bad feeling about them, and those who are bound up in personal relationships with them seem to see them for who they are quite quickly ( they are not traumatically bonded or blinded by love).
And these abusers’ actions have the affect of proving who they are over time.
So they take stupid risks and deceive people, only to get caught in the end.
My ex had a dreadfully fake, plastic, overly friendly way of greeting people. He had standard questions he’d ask, just to fool people he cared a hoot. I think he relied on his fake mask of Mr Nice to get people to trust him. He’d gain people’s trust, then take advantage of them. That was his main way of conning people.
My ex could bare face lie, and he didn’t show any discomfort whilst doing it. He told blatant lies in court. He lies to the children. He feigns innocence whilst covertly abusing. When he hooked me in the early days, he gave me a sob story about how poor he’d been as a child. In fact, his parents were quite well off. He told my son how he’d stolen books and tricked people into buying their own text books back. He employed those he could underpay. He preyed on the elderly, overcharging them- all the while acting charming.
He conned colleague out of work by going behind their backs in approaching their customers behind their backs. (Detail removed by moderator) He told me my son was lying about him being unkind to him. And all done with a deadpan expression.
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My ex said his co worker was in love with him .. few weeks later she was engaged to her partner.. now that is something i can not get my head around!
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Thank you for your examples. One day my ex told me that he had been offered a large amount of money as a tip for a job that he had done at work. To accept the money would have been against company regulations. He thought he may have set up in this scenario by his bosses to see if he would accept the money,that they didn’t trust him & were trying to catch him out. He consulted his best friend & flying monkey & they agreed it was likely to be a set up. For the employer even to think about doing that speaks volumes. He covered his slippery back that time.
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My ex has told me that he has never been nasty to me and that he is the one who needs protecting because of my lies!
He would say something then deny it ten minutes later. He’d make out like I was stupid or confused and that I couldn’t remember properly
He would lie about everything like if I said did you remember to post that letter he’d swear blind he had and it would be on the table!
He wouldn’t know the truth if it donned a pink sparkly tutu, did an Irish jig and smacked him in the face
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I would make an observation or state a well known fact, i.e the sky is blue. He would normally reply with ‘erm……’ and disagree with what I had said. He disagreed with everything that I said. Even if I was just making small talk or sharing something about my day he would challenge it or disagree. It made off the cuff relaxed banter not possible. I felt forever on edge that a fight was brewing as our innocent chats were not free or comfortable. I would say a clear truthful fact, i.e Spain is in Europe and he would find a way to challenge what I had said, every time. One term he used quite a lot was ‘Thats your Perception’. I created a thread on here called Thats Your Perception you may like to look at. Also a thread called ‘Can anybody give any examples of gaslighting?’I caught my ex blatently lying to my face, i had evidence. I think I only scratched the surface with his lying, it is possible him, his friends and family were lying to me nearly all the way through what I believed was a loving, committed serious relationship. I believe to him and therefore his friends and family who he was colluding with i was either a stalker, someone to use to wind up his ex wife, a mug, desperate and would put up with anything or someone with money he was working on to con. During my relationship with him he sent me over 3000 text messages telling me that I was his soulmate and the love of his life, we had holidays together, met each others families, were together some time, he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. In reality I am truthfully not sure what I had or was dealing with. He was Jeckyl & Hyde, one face to me, another face to his friends and family where I was someone he was using and it were all a big joke. At least I dumped him and I have stopped giving him anything.
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It is shameful isn’t it. How can you possibly have a normal loving relationship with a liar, you can’t. Loving relationships are about sharing, developing a bond, understanding and getting to know somebody. If that person is a liar your wasting your time. My ex was a chameleon who would adapt his personality to what ever woman he was with at the time to make her think she had met her soulmate. Little snippets of him seep through though and you think ‘hang on a minute’!………..I never knew who he was, i think I saw the real him a few times, but thats not much during a long relationship. X*X
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