It doesn’t end

[Sunflower1]

So we’ve been out a month now and the abuse just continues, I feel better and the kids are definitely happier but I’m still living in fear, waiting for the next event. I’ve been followed, shouted at, called all kinds, accused of all kinds, told it’s not abuse (a lot in various different ways). I’ve tried to go no contact but we have kids and have to have some, honestly my advice is do not give an inch because if you do they take a mile. I’ve tried to be reasonable and avoid further drama and police etc but now I know I need to look into some kind of restraining order. I need to move out of the small village we live in as it’s making it impossible. The bail conditions were dropped and as soon as that happened he came into my house telling me he has rights. I need some kind of housing order too. I honestly don’t know who to talk to, victim support phoned me and we’re not supportive at all, the only supportive person was in housing but they explained it was hard to get a house and I’m better off staying where I am. One thing I know is I’m never going back, I just wish he would leave me alone.

[TheMouseBites]

Support services are sometimes great and sometimes not so much. I don’t understand this at all because surely their entire purpose should be to help people.
All I can say, is that I feel like the fight starts to get real tough at about a month out.
We can try and embrace the  warrior in ourselves, try and reconnect with that feral wee creature that refuses to be victimized. Maybe stop playing fair, maybe stop being frightened off when people don’t seem helpful, maybe stop being reasonable and kind and empathic when the person we’re dealing with is only weaponising these qualities and using them against us.

its the last thing any of us feel like we want to do after all the abuse we’ve been through…but maybe we can reconnect with ourselves through the fight? So, changing locks, getting the police to evict him, phoning a new domestic abuse unit in a different town,  getting someone to come and stay in the house with you, speaking to a solicitor, stopping him from seeing the children and let him take you to court, changing the game any way you can. Fear is how they keep us behaving ‘reasonably’ while they behave completely the opposite way. Fear that they’ll make things worse for us, which they will.

sorry if this sounds like a rant but I’m in a similar place to you and I’m feeling really angry! I tried to behave in a civilised and peaceful way in the hope that we could do things nicely. It counts for nothing.

its a war. These people don’t care.

[Sunflower1]

Yes you’re completely right, there is no reasoning with them. It gets better for a few days then starts again. I honestly want nothing to do with him but he has to try every way possible to get to me. He’s followed me in the car, punched and kicked my door when I wouldn’t let him in, threatened me, the list is endless. I need to get angry and stop feeling guilty or scared.

[Haven]

Sunflower,

Yes! I totally agree with TheMousebite. Try a different approach but it is a survival game. They have been playing this game with us for a long time and it’s now time to take charge and win, protect and take charge.

Try everything you can to stay in your house with the kids. It’s your life and your village. Keep the big bad wolf out!!! The kids need that stability too. Confide in friends/neighbours so you have that additional emotional and practical support and that will give you extra strength.

You can do this! Be Brave and Bold xx Wishing you a peaceful Christmas xx

[Author]

Posts