- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.
2nd March 2016 at 10:55 pm #10888Jelly beanParticipant
So just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, onto my door mat falls the report from cafcass. In all fairness the report is quite in my favour, they seem to have acknowledged (to a degree) the concerns that I raised regarding my children’s safety. Seems as if they’re going to put it to a contact centre. It was the part that told me the concerns that my ex has raised about me that has literally knocked me for six. Apparently it’s me that’s the aggressive one, I scream and shout and get angry at him infront of my kids, apparently I’m mentally ill and not stable enough to be able to live on my own with my own children and apparently – this is the best bit – the youngest child isn’t even his because I sleep around! … Well. I’ve never read so much sh*t in all my life. I wouldn’t even dare to say a word out of line to him now never mind whilst we were together! And I would never do anything like that infront of my babies. And I’m not mentally ill at all, yes I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks but that’s only because of what he put me through and is still putting me through! that doesn’t make me a bad mum. (details removed by moderator) I’m just sat with so much stuff going round in my head I feel like it’s going to explode. The (detail removed by moderator) is getting closer and closer and I’m so so scared. I’m now just worrying that he’s going to win everyone over and make me look like the monster and there will be nothing I can do about it. He will have won. Again. The control over me is slipping through is fingers so he’s doing all he can do to claw it back. And when that’s failing, he’s now trying to get his control kicks over the kids. How can I live with myself knowing what my kids are going through and not being able to protect them. Today has just been one of them days….
3rd March 2016 at 7:21 am #10897JanetteParticipant
Cafcass officers are criminals as well as they don’t care about breaking the law. They are totally dishonest.
3rd March 2016 at 10:17 am #10902SerenityParticipant
Hi Jelly Bean,
From the cutting comments I got from one of the Cafcass workers, I could tell that ( when in a room on his own with her), my ex had outright lied and exaggerated all manner of things, and projected his failings onto me.
This specific lady even said that she ‘feared for the emotional welfare ‘ of my children. This was because I wax a nervous wreck because of sustained threats from my ex around this time, and both my kids had been threatening self-harm after returning from contact with him. In fact, my youngest actually gouged a tooth out after returning from contact. You can imagine, I want state.
And oh, he played on her feminine wiles and charmed her, as he does.
I was dumbstruck, like you.
From then in, I did t show him or dratted Cafcass any emotional weakness. I stood my ground, carried on focussing everything upon the kids’ needs.
They can’t act upon a anything that isn’t provable. And they wont act upon historical ( old) information. If anything, he is only showing himself up to be unsound.
Just for now, emotions are your enemy here. You need to get through this by being factual, calm, at least on the outside. Do t hove sny of them sny ammunition. You know the truth.
Eventually, my report from Cafcass deemed me a loving mother, despite his efforts to destroy my loving relationship with my boys.
Don’t internalise his horrible accusations. Remember, he is projecting all his crimes onto you. Have faith in yourself.
It’s hard, as even though we wish our kids had nil contact with them, if we push fir this ( unless there is hard evidence ) we might get accused of parental alienation. So we need to just believe in playing the long game. He can’t keep the act up. He will get bored. He is too selfish to sustain a relationship long term. You won’t lose the kids: kids know where they are loved. Don’t let fear here render you paralysed. Be the strong, silent warrior.
Remember, gather any actual evidence you can to support your case.
My eldest doesn’t even see my ex hardly at all anymore- despite his dad trying to get him to live with him.
Carry on being you and have faith in yourself. Xxxx
3rd March 2016 at 1:48 pm #10910AnonymousInactive
It’s like I’m looking at my own husband’s assessment of me. Just remember its part of their technique. You need to stay strong in the face of the lies and remember you know the truth. After my husband made me out to be crazy and an incapable mum, social services came to check how my lo was doing. After having a talk to lo, they went away happy to leave her in my care.
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