It has to stop

[nbumblebee]

Morning,

Wasnt sure id post this but Im going to in the hope someone will read it and learn.

You all know my story by now ive moaned enough times bad past with abuse and rape now husband who isnt nice at all i self harm and well just dont like myself for staying decades here. Nice ine minute rotten the next its hard. Anyway I had a minor hospital stay a scarey one my head is a mess i did something silly and hated myself for it got so stressed and anxious my head couldnt take it and i had a small thing happen to my head i wont say as it will be muted anyway but it was a wake up call. It could have possibly killed me if it had been worse I am very lucky. My husband has been by my side throughout which is suprising but i know its show i know he is loving having me at home 24/7 he is still getting grumpy about the lack of sex so he is still there i know it now. I got myself so stressed so mixed up inside I couldve done and still may have done some lasting damage then what? I will be stuck here forever relying on him. No i dont want that. Do i want out? That i still dont know but I do know i dont want to be in a place where he is the only person i see. Im not allowed to work but yet he still just sits there whilst i make him tea or a cuppa and clean up.

So i know he is loving all this inside.

Anyway what im trying to say to all you ladies new or old like me is talk. Get it out there dont keep this inside it will kill you from the inside out. You dont have to do this alone there really is help out there dont get to a point like me where you could be stuck forever before you reach out be brave now. I need to rest and get better before i decide what to do from here but it has given me a wake up call it really has we dont deserve this none of us whatever we have done nobody deserves to be treated this way. Trust yourselves believe in yourselves and reach out. Xxxxxx

[Jedi warrior]

You mention he’s grumpy at the lack if sex because you’ve been un well ..I had periods of illness  through my long marriage  some of it I’m sure because of my life with ex and he couldn’t wait until I was better so he could resume sex ..knew sometimes I still wasn’t quite recovered but carried on thinking of his needs first .hope you feel better soon .

[nbumblebee]

Alot of my illness is due to stress so i understand. He is still pushing every single day wanting sex its just exhausting isnt it xx

[Hereforhelp]

Nbumblebee ❤️ sending you love and hugs x*x

[Karisqq]

Sending you hugs and love x

[tiredofitall]

I’m so inspired by you.  I know you don’t always think well about yourself but as someone looking from the outside, I see someone who is still thinking about how to help others when you have so many struggles of your own.

I wish you were able to love yourself and show compassion to your own situation in the same way that you do others.

Lots of us (myself included) stay in our relationships for far too long.  It took me two decades to gather up the courage to take that step.  Towards the end the shame I felt about being someone the younger me promised I never would be, a victim of abuse.  Anyway, like you the turning point was realising that I did not want to live the rest of my life this way.  Accepting that he was never going to change.  So the only thing that could change was me.  It took a long time of sitting with that and working out if and how I could live, what could life be like on the other side, was I strong enough to go through the guilt tripping and intimidation (and potential physical abuse) that could come from a decision like that.

I really hope that you continue to share on here and keep reaching out for support.  I hate to think of you struggling, feeling like you cannot share on this forum.  This is a safe space.

Take care of yourself. x

 

[nbumblebee]

Wow I dont kniw what to say to this apart from thank you. Your words have lifted me at a time when i need a lift so very much.

Im certainly nobody to be admired Ive made such a mess of my life all I can do is wake each day and be a better me. Its ladies who have the courage to leave to make a new life they are the ones who I admire not me. I stay because im too scared to find a new path even though i know a better way is out there i cant seem to find it or even look for it. Your words though my gosh Thank you so very very much xxxxx

[tiredofitall]

I cannot stress enough how hard it is to keep getting up every day and making it to the end knowing that tomorrow is not going to be better but hoping it is. Its so hard and we don’t give ourselves credit for doing that. We are always hard on ourselves for not leaving but it’s not easy to stay. Every day is hard.

Now I’ve been out for a while I can appreciate that my life now is easier. It was so much harder before.

Please keep sharing, even if you never leave, you still deserve to be supported ❤️

[Better-days]

Hi nbumblebee reading this has made me feel so sad as it’s been said before. You are the first to give great advice and celebrate when people do leave. Your kindness has been so much appreciated on this forum, I wish u could understand how much. U know I’m in the same position and there are days I come on here read peoples posts write out a post and delete it because I think oh just me again moaning. I hope you are on the mend and I send so much strength and love your way you really don’t realise how much your words on here have helped your were one of the first to make me feel I wasn’t alone and that it is possible to leave and I will be forever grateful Xxxx

[nbumblebee]

Better days never feel like you cant post. We need to let it out you must. Honest if ive learnt anything its that. Dont allow what he does to fester inside you as he will be doing more damage than you realise. Share with us as we all get it. The amount of “oh i get this too” or “i understand” from women on here is sad but also amazing to know that there is someone like you that there is others who just get it so please always share my pm is always available sweetie.

This life is hard enough without feeling like we are alone. We arent not here not in this group we arent alone. Xx

[Better-days]

Thank you. I hope u r doing ok and being well as strong as can be for now life is tough. Xx

[nbumblebee]

Went back to work and it was too much. Im so gutted and feeling really low. Husband is bejng really supportive however is bugging ne for sex all day long its like I am his toy whilst I am at home. No nastiness as yet though thankfully. Im just feeling lonley so very alone and well just rather sorry for myself!!! Hope you are doing ok sweetie sending a hug your way xx

[Better-days]

That’s a shame being off work just now only needs to be temporary u can always do something when u r better. U understand how u feel they think sex makes everything ok. It’s very draining. Iv been not bad still soo low but trying to find strength in each day to leave. I hope we find it some way xx

[nbumblebee]

I saw a glimpse of the old him. I said no again and he pushed me away quickly he turned it on me and said i was grumpy but i saw him again creeping in slowly.

I know he is trying hard to be understanding whilst im recovering but it wont last long im sure. I just dont think im strong enough to think about him right now ive got to get myself better first. X

[tiredofitall]

You are doing exactly the right thing – focus on getting yourself better and don’t worry about anything else for now.  Just keep taking one day at a time and just think about yourself for now.  xx

[Chocolatebunnie]

Hugs to you lovely lady I hope you’re ok x*x

[nbumblebee]

Back at ya CB hope you are ok xx

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