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    • #18970

      A meeting in a public place, where we should have spoken about what his affirmations of being a different man and how he had understood a lot.
      In fact I received a text earlier showing me in two sentences how he had not. All to do with chores.
      I didn’t want to go. I knew it would lead nowhere. I reluctantly went. I heard his comment about…and I walked away. No point. He is dumber than dumb.
      I feel like swearing, I have been feeling like that all afternoon. Pointless. Waste of energy.
      I went straight to my friend’s house, described the chat, she could not believe it. She called him weird, bizarre, strange.

      I think he is now brainwashing my son who went with him this afternoon. I know the signs. And his idiotic comments earlier indicate he will brainwash him. I can’t say exactly what it was a out, but it’s about anti parenting, the Bad Father.

      There is no hope in this hell hole. It’s the same as ever. I can’t find valid excuses for him. He is a sh.t father, full stop.

      A sh.t father
      A sh.t husband
      A sh.t man…

      Pat Craven’s book details a minute portion of what I experience.
      I am guilty of wishing this man was dead because of the victims I see in my children, he has created nothing but chaos in their brains and personalities. I fear for them in their future lives as lovers, partners, husbands, wives and friends and relatives. It is chaos. There are no sound values building the foundations of well adapted individuals. (detail removed by moderator)

    • #18997
      KIP.
      Participant

      Another reason to concentrate on getting out. Building a good strong life away from this toxic man. A life where your children can choose to live in an abuse free home with you. Where you show your children you are strong and won’t tolerate abuse in your life. Soon your children will move on with their lives and leave home. You have to get out before then. You’ve moved out before so you know you can do it. Take that leap of faith. Hand over the reins to a good solicitor, take what you can and move onto freedom. Leaving the dysfunction behind. I’ve done it. It’s a roller coaster ride but I will never go back to an abusive relationship. With my husband or my son. They need to learn respect and accountability or they are not welcome. Staying with that man will destroy your mental health. Everyone has a breaking point and I worry he will strangle you again when he reaches his and you may do something worse. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Save yourself first, then you can save your children x

    • #19078
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi I have had years of waste of energy talks, I still get sucked on sometimes now but often I will just walk away, at the first sign of nonsence talking they drain you and they dont talk sense at all.
      They are all talk , try to kid us that they have changed, the list in Lundy Bancrofts book is my guide line and mine fails on every point.
      There is hope there will be hope, he has stressed you out now, but you have shown such strength dealing with him , xx

    • #19081
      Ayanna
      Participant

      He will never understand and he will never change. He is an abuser.
      Big hugs!

    • #19089

      Teaching your children cooperation, a sense of obligation, organisation, participation, responding as positively as possible to requests from parents, respecting the house and tidying up when asked (of course I don’t expect it straight away and teenagers and young adults don’t play ball…but…), taking care of one another, helping with doing little things, listening to why it is asked and responding, even if it is a bit late, but responding nevertheless and hearing a big thank you from my mouth, teaching the kids skills along the way and making sure in the same way there is no gender role allocated between my sons and daughters (my sons are now expected to wash their clothes) the list goes on, and I got told I pick on x person…
      The way it was said in a text then verbally to my face was disheartening, it is ridiculous and makes no sense. I think he is jealous of the fact that despite having a large family I cope pretty well and I work too! I supervise from the corner of my eye what goes on in the house and I set some rules, not always getting the results I need but pretty close. Exceptions are made when needed, and fairness is always applied as best as possible.
      His judgement, I do not need. I do believe he is jealous of what I can achieve and he tries to brainwash my son to turn him against me, but so far he is failing…
      So I had immense pleasure trying to remember all the little tasks I delegated through the week and mentioned each and every one…He ought to think by now that I pick on all my kids then! Numty!
      I had a lovely lunch with my sons which I cooked myself producing lovely stuff from the garden and we had a great chat about pc games. It was rich, friendly and fair, every one of them spoke and I listened to them. They felt heard and respected. I also learned a lot about pc’s. And guess what? The washing up is done! By my boys!!!! No questions asked, when I mentioned it needed to be done they said who was washing and who was tidying up. It’s done!

      How about that!!!???

      When I confront my husband about his beliefs re my parenting, he says ”Oh don’t you dare start your rambling again!”

      Oh I have a field day!!!!!!!

      I think he tries to destroy my confidence as a parent. But I think when you know one of his children saw him strangle me, when you think they all know the story, I don’t believe he should be so proud of himself…Point made yet?????

      I refuse to be beaten. My spirits are high and I hold my head high too! I am proud of what I have achieved educating my children. They are all recognised as high achievers and hugely emotionally intelligent. I wonder why…

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