24th February 2016 at 6:01 pm #10341
Please don’t say I told you so …..
I went back to my house yesterday as he told me it would get burgled if I didn’t
And as soon as I walked in I fell apart 😢😢
Straight away I started drinking even though it was the afternoon.
So much came flashing back and I felt so so bad for my little girl as all her Xmas presents were here unplaced with, not even unpacked!
I drunk and then couldn’t go anywhere so stayed here didn’t sleep a wink.
The police came out to do welfare check as I was in property and I ended up breaking down in front of them 😢
Today I had cleaned everything as can’t believe I stayed in bed where everything happened.
Felt like everything had to be perfect in the hse just like before !
He told me I had to stay here so I’ve been too scared to even go out the door today !
I feel like I have let both myself and everyone down including you guys !
It was a trap to get me in the house and now I can see that this is our little girls home and I need to put my own feelings aside for her!
I have promised we will move back now and will not let him down again.
I’m too scared again !
I feel like such a loser, I’m sacrificing myself so that our little girl can live here.
He has me right back where he wants me now and the last 6 wks of safety have been wasted !
I know I going to end up losing her … But feel like I don’t deserve to have her ….. What sort of role model am I ?
24th February 2016 at 7:50 pm #10349AnonymousInactive
Hi there Moon,
I definitely won’t say I told you so. It’s what these men are like. Please try to have the confidence to get away again. You and your lo BOTH deserve better. Please try to look at what he is doing to you. Is this really what your lo needs more than a mum who is safe and happy?
I don’t think you’re a bad role model. Please don’t let him beat you down again. Is there any way that you can get out and back to safety and this time cut off contact with perp?
24th February 2016 at 7:52 pm #10350lover of no contactParticipant
Now is the time to be really, really gentle on yourself. Part of the process of getting away from an abuser is to go back. 7 times on average I think. Very victims can leave and stay away the first time. Please don’t beat yourself up over this.
Leaving my abuser was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Its so hard to leave and yet you left and you stayed away for 6 weeks, and you withstood his manipulation lots of times.
So you’ve had a set-back and caved to his demands. Its so hard not to give in to their persistence and relentless attempts to get us back into the relationship. We’re weakened by being trauma-bonded and we’re suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
Focus on your strength you had that got you out of the cycle of abuse with him. You can get away again. Just because you’ve gone back into the family home, doesn’t mean you can change your mind and leave again. Gather all your supports around you, Women’s Aid, the Refuge Support workers and us, so you can leave.
Keep posting Moon, you’re not on your own. You can do this.
24th February 2016 at 8:32 pm #10353
It’s a blip, that’s all,
We might all have to put on brave faces and do brave things but we’re human and not perfect after all, and as you know it is so hard, leaving and recovering and getting things back reasonably normal comes over time, and after many trials and tears.
You go through a roller coaster of emotions and thrash about trying to do the overall right thing, but stay alive as you have discovered.
What support did you get from the police when they called in?
X x x
24th February 2016 at 9:53 pm #10363
We would never say we told u so , I’m so proud of u that u posted on here how u feeling , I know u feel this is your girls Home and h have to scArfice your feelings for her but u don’t , for her u and your safety is must important thing , as long as u together that’s all that matters it doesn’t have to be in that house . Don’t be dis heartened , let me tell u my story , I had ex removed from house at one time even told him there was non mol in place , I let him bk in slowly within week , the abuse re started , I constantly tried to get hold of support agencies and they kept calling when he was in or if I call they were out , u have to Hun keep reaching out for support and get out again . Your still traumatised by what happened , don’t break and let him trap u, I never wanted to leave my house , found million reasons why i should keep working at marriage , all I had to do was leave with nothing , walk past that line to be safe but I just couldn’t walk out , I cried so much to one friend and in end to support agency about how I just couldn’t leave was too scared , my biggest wake up to take that step was lady saying to me his going to actually kill u now and is telling U , how can it get worser … I still said I don’t know I just can’t do it …. When that moment comes u just leave with nothing, my ex left house when I left too (detail removed by moderator) , he doesn’t give me the house still unless I take him
Bk , things don’t matter Hun when your life is on line , please tell gp and police how scared u feel cause of control he has over u , u have to be strong Hun and tell police what he is black mailing u about or just say u r bed. Black mail but can’t disclose reason , get the support Hun , u rclucky u found this site, i never knew about it till after i had left , support is Vailable please take , tell police u need support , slowly u can make plan to leave house , no point in me saying u stay in house and have protection in place as by staying in House u finding it hard , only worth staying in house if u feel safe which clearly u don’t , if u staying in cause of fear cause he said stay in , Hun soon or later he will move bk in , please make sure social services check on him where he is living so it is proved his not with u , this is all for your safety , please do keep posting we will guide u all way , loads of lady’s leave , go bk , leave, go back but end result is leaving or getting them to leave , u can do this Hun , think of it as a line , walk over the Line and protect yourself
24th February 2016 at 10:06 pm #10368
Your advice and stories scare me .
I was too told that he would kill me …. But he has me right where he wants me and he’s not even living here !!
I have been a prisoner for past few days – police were really good when they came round and I soo wanted to just blurt everything out bit was so scared ! They were going to put me in b&b last night for my safety but I said no 😢
I am hopefully heading back to refuge tomor but to pack our stuff up and move back home … Gotta put a smile on my face and convince everyone it’s my decision !
I’m too scared to post on here what’s happened since I stepped foot in my house as I will lose my daughter 😢😢
Got no one to help me now xx
24th February 2016 at 10:07 pm #10369
I cried so much last night , but now I’m back to being heartless and emotionlesss so I can just survive again and tell myself it will be ok X
Just getting on with everything now and manning up as he tells me x
24th February 2016 at 10:16 pm #10372NomorenomoreParticipant
Moon I can understand you don’t feel you are able to not move back home but why don’t you give yourself 24 hours. A gift to yourself of one day of not feeling afraid. Make something up about it being the refuge policy you can’t move out for a couple
Of days until you have been assessed or something. Just to give you time to breath and reflect on this decision? X
24th February 2016 at 10:57 pm #10377
Moon, can you private message me?
You sound so beaten and resigned, but it’s not necessarily the case,
X x x
24th February 2016 at 11:13 pm #10381
Supportive friends, helpful police, the wise army of us ladies on here,
You aren’t alone moon,
Keep battling through it, you deserve a busefree life
X x x
24th February 2016 at 11:15 pm #10383
It won’t let me pm you 😢😢😢
I’ve emailed you X
I just feel so trapped and don’t know what to do – I’ve proper messed up x
24th February 2016 at 11:55 pm #10386AyannaParticipant
Massive hugs Moon!
I hope you find the strength to leave that house for good asap.
25th February 2016 at 1:34 am #10387
Thank you all so so much
I thought you wpuld all hate me and I would never be able to post again as I am such a let down to myself and everyone else !
Just feel like it’s game over now and back to square one !!!
25th February 2016 at 8:18 am #10394White RoseParticipant
Hi Moon sorry you’re feeling so mixed up and pressured.
It sounds as if police are worried about you too not just us. It sounds to me as if you’ve get a feeling that moving back isn’t the right thing for you and your daughter, as you’ve implied it but not said it in so many words.
I don’t think you WANT to go back it feels like you think you NEED to or HAVE to and the two are totally different. Have a think today about what is best for you and your daughter. Think back to the first few days in the refuge when you felt relief and she seemed a different child.
You’re doing this for him the man who abused you horrifically, you don’t have to. Why not start living for you and your daughter now?
You know you’ll get all our support regardless of what choice you make. We all want you to be happy and safe xxxxx
25th February 2016 at 11:39 am #10413NomorenomoreParticipant
You haven’t let anyone down you are inspiring that you have left him at all. I read a quote I liked today “they thought they could bury us but didn’t realise we were seeds” things can get better x
25th February 2016 at 12:01 pm #10421
Well done for trying to get out , i wish i could contact u direct or u could contact me , please keep posting and gettign guidance of us all, we all here for u , its unthinkable that these men could kill us , n*d we not trying to scare u but they so unpredicatable, he can scare u but he cant do nothinghun once police with u , please beleive us, get away without him knowing,u have to tell police how his making u feel, its all to protect u and your daughter, this is what will help u hold onto your girl , u just need positive support , can totally undrstand how scared u feelingand u doing so well, just do what i did at moment u see yourself trapped and no way out, to get out u have to walk over that line which is the door to your house, no matter how sacred u r hunngoing against him onc police r with u escorting u out, youve done it , stop his contatc with your child , ignore him get a new no and throw that old sim away, i promise u hun once u away from him and have support around u he will try to get to u but he cant, we will guide u all the way , only u can take that step and u so close,dont let his words fear u , speak to a dv specialist officer , your not wasting no one time if u think that , they know how much support we need,u r so close to doing this hun, u really can do this
26th February 2016 at 9:29 am #10481
Hope u ok hun, thinking of u
26th February 2016 at 8:57 pm #10510
Me and my little girl made it back to refuge.
Been one of the toughest weeks since we left!!
Still on this rollercoaster of not knowing what to do.
But I’m still hanging in there xx
Thank you so much for your amazing support as always xx
26th February 2016 at 10:25 pm #10521Stupidgirl40Participant
Hi moon so glad you are safe and away from this man. You are doing your best and that is all any of us can do. We are not here to judge each other only to support. Sounds like u r very brave to have got away again. Be kind to yourself and that is the best thing you can do for your daughter. X
26th February 2016 at 10:59 pm #10530KIP.Participant
Hi Moon and well done. A good safe place to gather your strength. I’ve been reading a lot about trauma bonding. How that bond with an abuser can be stronger than a love bond so don’t be hard on yourself. Just stay strong. It gets much easier, the longer you are away from their brainwashing the clearer things look❤️ Take all the help you can get x
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